Lot of traveling

Lot of traveling

I did a lot of traveling around the T (my public transportation system) today. Started with a trip to Starbucks for my morning coffee and breakfast sandwich. I did some writing and then it was time to go to see my pdoc. It was good seeing her again. She appears to be recovering nicely from her hip and I am glad. We talked about how things have been and then about my father’s troubles or rather how much of a pain in the ass he is. I wasn’t feeling too good when I saw her. I have been feeling dizzy most of the day. I had a couple waves of dizziness while sitting with her but I didn’t tell her. I didn’t want to worry her.

After my appointment, I went to the eyeglass place to get my glasses. They weren’t made right so I had to return them to get them fixed. The woman said they would expedite the work but didn’t know how long it was going to take. Good thing I wore my trusty old pair or I would have gotten a headache with all the running around I did today. I was kind of upset. I hope they get done quickly. I need to read Dostoevsky. My trusty pair of glasses are slowly making me strain to see as the prescription is so old.

My game has officially ended. I talked about that with my pdoc today. I didn’t talk about my suicidality, at all. I told her I was depressed and left it at that. When I brought up what I told my therapist about her saying I was her role model, her face lit up. She was really sincere and I hadn’t heard wrong. I told her little things like that help keep me here.

While going home, for the second time, I bumped into a friend of mine I hadn’t spoken to in years. We sat and talk a while. It was so good talking with him. He gave me updates his life and I gave him updates of mine. He is such a swell guy. I had a copy of my book with me so I gave it to him and signed it. He was so excited to see me. I was thinking about him the other day. I realized we have been friends for more than 20 years. We might not be in touch every day but when we do, we generally have a good time talking. He and his brother were milieu counselors where I had a lengthy psych hospital stay at the time.

My calves feel like they are going to fall off the bone. They are so tender from walking all over the place today. According to an app that I have, I walked 1 hour and 53 minutes. That is a lot of walking when you are not used to it. I am sure I will be sore tomorrow. I am not planning on going out. I also know I am going to be in pain tonight and tomorrow. It’s a given. I don’t know if it will stretch out to Sunday. Time will only tell. Right now my ankle is not happy with me, at all. I took a pain med to try and ease the pain before it gets worse. My mother noticed how exhausted I am while I was eating dinner. I left the house around 0845 and didn’t come home until around 1630. I don’t think I have ever been out of the house that long since becoming disabled. Even though I am hurting, I am glad that I did the amount of walking I did. Only problem is that because I didn’t sleep well (I went to bed late then woke up every hour since 0330), I wasn’t able to shower this morning like I wanted to. And it doesn’t look good for tonight. Though I have been able to once I rest for a few hours. It’s such a balancing act. You’re damned if you do and then damned if you don’t. Right now I am wondering how I am going to stand while gathering my meds tonight. I didn’t fill my pill box this week. I get lazy and just don’t do it some weeks. Then it becomes a hodgepodge of what meds I do take and which ones I don’t. I try and remember to take them all but some nights, like tonight, I just can’t stand that long to take them.

I found out yesterday that my friend’s mother passed away. Her wake is Monday and I am going to try and go. If I can find dressy clothes that fit me. I have known my friend since kindergarten.