You’re leaving left me going crazy
I thought this title would be fitting as it’s a lyric to the song by Eric Church’s Record Year. I want to get something off my chest. My father is my father and always will be considered that. He is not, however, a dad or daddy or any of that nature. It has been driving me crazy the last few days that people automatically assume that he is a “dad” when he never was. He doesn’t know the meaning of the term. There was no affection between us growing up. No exchange of meaningful gifts. Just abuse and neglect that continues till he got really sick. And he still had the audacity to call me stupid after he was the one that was being stupid. He thought he was speaking English but he was really speaking Italian and expected me to understand. The truth of the matter is that I can understand context of Italian but I don’t know the language well enough to interpret it all. I never learned it from him though he will say that he “tried”. He just didn’t have the patience to teach us kids. And the school taught us the “real” Italian, not the dialect that he speaks.
He will never know that I am a writer. I doubt he ever knew that I wrote a book. I do find this sad in a way but I don’t let it get to me. He never was a supportive parent so why should I expect him to be at his deathbed. All that matters is that he is taken cared of as humanely as possible.