2019May21

Team wanted to try a meeting with family. I got in touch with my sisters but times didn’t work out. I also somehow thought there was another week in May. I have the appt with my TG doc next Tues so would like to get discharged Thursday. Surprisingly, they have agreed even though I’m still highly suicidal. I don’t get it. Probably because I haven’t tried to act on my thoughts while here they think I will be safe at home. Ya, cause at home I don’t have anything to harm myself. Idiots. This is just a waste of my time. Today they just wanted me to go to group like that holds the answers to everything. Then my evening check in person just goes on about how hard things were in the morning but I should be able to be discharged. Shit. Why not send me home tomorrow. What difference is one day going to make. I want to get out so my T dose can be increased and I can take my own shot. I don’t want to be jabbed by a nurse.

I am still in a sucky mood. Feel really hopeless that this is helping me. Feeling overwhelmed that staying here will mess up my plans. I am fricken exhausted from not sleeping and being in pain. The check in person had the audacity to tell me that sleeping now will mess up sleeping at night. I basically told her to leave as she knows nothing about me. She didn’t read my chart before seeing me. That always pisses me off. Today was the first time since being here i slept in the afternoon. I needed to rest my heel because it has been so painful all week between the standing and walking I’ve been doing on the unit. Even when I told her this, she said not to stay in bed. WTF! Swear I would have had better results talking to a fucking wall.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Probably will be discharged Thursday. I hope so anyways. Then I can go ahead with my plan next week.

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