voices and therapy

Voices and therapy

I had therapy this afternoon and during session, I got inundated with voices calling me names. It was so fucking loud. Therapist got quite concerned. I told her I would be ok. I took a PRN of trilafon and that settled some of them down. I took my meds early so that I could have the Latuda and Invega. I am still taking the Invega for the next few days. I got a message from the psychiatrist that I am supposed to continue taking it until our next meeting. Fuck that! I am stopping it this weekend. I am not going to take 2 antipsychotic drugs for three weeks.

I got my haircut today. My mother needed an errand done while I was out so I did that. I came home tired as fuck. My legs are killing me. I am glad I don’t have to go out again until next week. My Monday appointment with PT got changed to Friday.

In therapy we talked about skills and journaling. I guess I will be keeping a notebook of whether or not skills have been helpful. She also is going to make sure I do them. She is going to keep me accountable. I am kind of scared about this. I never had a therapist that kept me accountable before. But then I never had a therapist that was determined to get me better. She cares. I didn’t think she did but she does and I am kind of freaked out by it. I am not used to having someone care about me.

My back has been hurting me since therapy ended. It has spazzed up for some reason. It really hurts. I haven’t taken anything for it yet. I should really take something for it. I had Burger King for supper so I can take some ibuprofen. I hate taking it because it upsets my stomach but it helps with pain so it is a fair trade off.

I don’t know what set off the voices. They usually are just in the background not front and center like they were earlier. I’ve never had them out like that before during a therapy session. They probably were pissed off because I wasn’t giving them attention. They get mad when I don’t answer them. Been hearing the same voices for years now. They always watch and comment on what I am doing, all the damn day. I am used to the abuse I get on a daily basis. But today was nuts. I can’t believe things got so bad in 45 mins. I think it is because of the stress I am feeling with all these appointments I got this month.

any thoughts?

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