blogging after midnight and other things

Blogging after midnight and other things

I started a word doc called “After Midnight Blog”. Twice I have started it, changing it around and trying to organize my thoughts in the early morning hours. Twice, I don’t get more than 151 words down. One of these day it will be published, but not today. I just start writing whatever comes to my mind and then I get tired enough to go back to sleep.

I had another bad night of sleeping. I woke up around 3. I felt energized and thought I would be up all night but was able to go back to sleep around 5 after I had a bowl of cereal. I put my phone on “do not disturb”. I’m glad I did because I had a shit load of messages when I got up around an hour ago. My computer friend got back to me. He priced a new screen but I think because my laptop is old, it’s not going to be worth replacing. Crap. I’ll see what he says. I really would rather pay $50 for a new screen than $500 for a new laptop.

I was a little hungry so I had another bowl of cereal. I didn’t feel like making anything else. My mother called me and asked if I wanted pasta with peas. I don’t care. She’ll be making it in about an hour. I don’t feel like going back downstairs as my ankle is hurting me. It has me really depressed today. I feel really low and don’t want to do a damn thing. I need a shower but don’t have the energy.

I fricken fucked up. I usually keep a spreadsheet of the time I take my pain meds. When I woke up a few hours ago, I didn’t put it in. Now I don’t remember if I took my meds or not. I’m starting to feel like I am going through withdrawal so my guess is not. Fucking hate this shit.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

2 thoughts on “blogging after midnight and other things”

  1. I hope you get the after midnight blog thoughts written some day. I hate it when I want to write and my mind is all jumbled and I cant think to organise my thoughts. xxx

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