Zoom Friday

All day I’ve been on zoom. I had partial today and went to all 5 groups. The last 2 were difficult. I didn’t want to be there and the last group felt like it was never going to end. I was counting down the minutes.

After partial my ankle flared up and has been hurting me since. I took some meds for it and will need to take some more. Pain is so bad. Feels like an ice pick is going through my ankle. I’ve been trying to not move it but I can’t stay completely still. I feel really depressed about it.

I had a zoom call with my father’s side cousins and it went well. Zoom didn’t cut us off at the 40 min mark so we talked for an hour and a half. It was so good talking to everyone. Gave me a little distraction from the pain in my ankle. Everyone is still surprised I have chronic pain and when I tell them I have a pain syndrome they are shocked or go what is that. They don’t understand it at all. I try to explain it but it is hard.

I met with my psychiatrist yesterday and he threatened to decrease my counts of my meds because of the one med I want to kill myself with that has nothing to do with the others. If he does that in January when I have to pay I am going to be screwed. I really don’t want to pay twice a month for my meds, especially the Latuda as it is so expensive. I will really be upset with him. I understand the prerogative behind it but I am not a polymed overdoser. I told him that. I really hope he doesn’t penalize me because I am suicidal. Because that is what it feels like. I know I should get rid of the stuff I have but I am not ready to part with it yet.

My appetite came back today. I had two meals today. Tomorrow I plan on going to the Square to get some burgers. I’ll probably get some more cheese too. I know I have to get pickles and turkey bacon. Hopefully it will be in the grocery store across the street from the butcher shop. I always get my burgers at the butcher because the quality of the meat is better. And it is cheaper, too.

any thoughts?

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