this is me trying

This is me trying

I’ve had a boring day. I missed seeing the visiting nurse this morning because I couldn’t wake up. My med alarm went off and I promptly went back to sleep. I slept through the nurse’s calls. Oh well. I got up around noon and had two cups of coffee and leftover pizza. The coffee did nothing for my energy levels.

I called the surgeon’s office. My top surgery is scheduled for March 28! I am so damn excited. It is finally going to happen. Now I just got to stay healthy for it to go through. I see the surgeon the beginning of March for formalities and will have the anesthesia call that afternoon. I still haven’t told my other sister and mother about the surgery. I think I will do that when the time is nearer. I just hope I can still be independent and not need a nurse to come to the house.

I got into an argument with my baby sister today. She called me to see how I was doing and I told her. She asked if I made any progress with my room and I said I am slowly working on it. I still have to make room for my AC as my sisters threw my stuff into the space I put it. I told her this and then she is like do this and that and this and this. I got mad and was like one thing at a time. She then got mad at me and said I was quick to anger. Then she hung up on me. Whatever. She does this all the time and doesn’t see it as a problem. She always adds things to one thing that can be done like it all needs to get done at once. So I just tried to take a nap but couldn’t because my damn bladder kept needing to be emptied.

I messaged my pcp about my pulse rate being high. Basically the response I got back was to live with it. It makes me fucking anxious when my pulse is high and I have palpitations. Eventually the rate goes down but by then I am a nervous wreck. Doesn’t help that every time I go up the stairs my heart pounds in my chest. I get so out of breath also. It sucks. I am so deconditioned it’s not funny. I don’t start PT until the week before Christmas.

I’ve decided to go back to reading a history book. I love reading about the colonial period to the end of the Civil War. The book I am going to start reading is on the American Revolution and how American got started. It’s been a long time since I read a history book. I was going to read about the Civil War but I don’t know what I did with the books or where they are. I would like to read Lincoln’s Melancholy again. The book is buried right now so I can’t get it but maybe I will if I am able to clear out some space for things. I only have so much space to move things.

any thoughts?

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