Angry today

Angry today

Bastards of Boston posted a question, what hurts more Bogaerts or Lester and I nearly had a fit. So my sadness of these two players quickly turned to anger because the Sox let their talent go to other teams. I am so angry at Henry for letting this happen. And ticket prices have gone up. Who wants to go to Fenway to see them play shitty? I know it isn’t Spring Training yet but we don’t have a shortstop, a first baseman, nor a centerfielder. Even if they shuffle players around, we are still short. And don’t get me started on the damn pitching situation. They haven’t built up a good rotation nor bullpen in years since they let all the pitchers go on trades. Sale is still rehabbing from his Tommy John surgery. Whitlock’s return remains to be seen. Just depresses me.

I had a meeting with the visiting nurse today. I told her I want to be discharged and she gave me the well we haven’t seen you for a month and you were suicidal talk. WTF. She takes my blood pressure, asks how my depression and if I have suicidal thoughts then leaves after I answer her. How is this helping me?? What the hell is the point? She doesn’t check in with my doctor. I can’t go to outpatient PT which I desperately need until their services end. I don’t want to see her anymore. She said we will talk more Monday. WTF.

I made a pot pie for lunch. I put it in too long and burned the crust. Oops. It was good though. I bought pumpkin pie but I was so full I didn’t have dessert. I will have the pie with coffee tomorrow morning. I should have bought whipped cream to go with it.

I went over the tests that they did while I was in the hospital. I have no uterus yet they ordered an HCG (pregnancy test) on me, twice. Dumbbells. They also did an angiogram of my heart. Surprisingly I just have mild atherosclerosis in one artery and none in the rest. I can continue eating cheeseburgers!

I put in a request for a prescription to be ready by 1100 today and it is still not ready yet. I am going to go to the pharmacy after I write this to pick it up. I need to get out of the house for a bit anyways. I haven’t left the house in a week. I was going to go to the Square but I don’t feel like going to Starbucks as it’s after 1400 and it might make my sleeping worse. I already had two cups of coffee anyways.

I just got hit with psychache. It was like a gut punch. No idea why but I am hurting. I just feel so lost and I don’t know what I am going to do between now and my surgery date. These days of doing nothing is getting to me. I know I can clean my room, which eventually I will get to. I just need energy and motivation. Lately I have been lacking both and just been lying in bed most of the day. I feel like everyone will be better off and I am trying to fact check this to see if it is true. I keep going back and forth with my answers. “To just feel better now, better off somehow, someday…so maybe we should start all over, start all over again. Sometimes we don’t really notice just how good it can get.”

any thoughts?

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