Author: Midnight Demon

Not feeling well Sunday

For the past few hours I have been feeling off. My head and bladder hurts and I am not sure if the two are related. I just don’t feel well. I have been trying to stay hydrated and flush out my bladder if I do have an infection. I spent the morning outside reading my book. I have one chapter left. Then I am not sure what to read.

I was up most of the night because I couldn’t sleep. Neighbors had decided to listen to loud music around 2030 and then fireworks went off, which always scares me so I was triggered. I tried to overcome it but I was just too restless. I read two chapters of the book. One of them was on cognitive therapy. As I was reading this, I was wondering why my therapist isn’t doing these things like giving me skills and coping stuff. I just don’t get her.

I had a turkey dinner thinking maybe I was hungry and that was why I feel off. But I still feel like crap. I still haven’t moved my bowels. I had another dose of Miralax after I had breakfast. I know I am hydrated because my urine is clear and light colored.

Tomorrow I got to fight with my mail order company so I can get my pain meds on time and I won’t miss a dose. I think they faxed the PA to the wrong number. I hate making phone calls. Every month there is a problem with my pain meds. I hate this bullshit.

Going to lie down. My head feels so weird. I really hope I don’t have an infection and this is just the stupid heat.

Gonna be a warm summer

It is cool today but my room is hot. Consequences of living on the top floor. My room was an ice box last night so I put on a long sleeve shirt so I could sleep comfortably. I woke up sweating when I had to pee this morning. I kept dreaming about Marina Sirtis and her counseling people. I also dreamt my sister had a little boy that I was somehow in charge of who refused to listen to me and broke some glass windows. I had some weird dreams but they were at least pleasant ones rather than disturbing.

I didn’t get up till after 1230. My mother was in the kitchen cutting up some meat that my sister had bought. I was glad she didn’t have to sweat as there was a cool breeze coming through the door. I had to move some of the meat so I could make my coffee as she was in front of the Keurig. I ended up having two cups and then half a sandwich of black bean burger. I also had my biscuits. I didn’t know what I wanted to eat. I still have some yogurt I haven’t touched.

I am constipated. I just realized that I haven’t been taking senna all week. I checked my box to see if there was one in there and there wasn’t. I have them I just forgot to put them in. UGH. Now I got to drink Miralax to my colon can be emptied. Magnesium was working for awhile. But now seems to have stopped. It works well with the senna.

Because it is much cooler and not humid today, I plan on taking a shower and shaving so I can have a proper goatee. I had let my beard go and then I took it off the other day. I was going to shave the next day but never did due to brain fog (Thursday). Also plan on brushing my teeth. I have coffee breath. But what do expect after having two cups? LOL

Sox have been on a losing streak, and they are playing the Skankees. I am so uninterested because rookies are pitching and getting their asses handed to them. It has been awful. Last night they lost 12-5. Pitiful. It has been hard keeping up. I just plan on reading after I shower and shave. I haven’t been able to read all week because of the appointments I had. I need to read at least a chapter or two over the weekend. That is the plan.

Pissed off and grumpy

I was supposed to have an appointment with the dietitian today and it got cancelled because my insurance doesn’t cover it. So I checked with my secondary insurance and they appear to cover it. I called the weight center and was told if Medicare denies a claim, no insurance will pick it up. Fucking a. I am so damn mad.

I had sent my refill request for gaba and instead got my pain meds refilled. NOT THE SAME THING but I will take it. I was able to get an increase in my meds and I am thankful because this means I might not have to die next year after all. Then she tells me she is leaving Boston. I am so sad at her leaving because I really liked her. I will have the director of the program as my PCP now. Fun.

I met with my therapist yesterday. I told her what my pcp said about the top surgery and me seeking support from my friends on social media. My pcp doesn’t think my BMI is going to be a problem and that reassured me. She also said that if for whatever reason it can’t be done at this hospital, we can look for someone outside and in other areas of Boston.

I had fog brain when I was seeing my therapist so I wasn’t very talkative. It was very hard to think. I hate when I struggle like that. I didn’t even take any gaba, it was just that I was tired from having a rough night of no sleep. I also had difficulty sleeping last night. I kept dreaming about catheters and needing to go to the bathroom and then waking up to go pee. This every two hour thing is messing with my head in a serious way. And to know that it is permanent doesn’t help my mental issues with it. I talked briefly about this with my therapist but I don’t think she really understands my struggles with it. I have been having bladder pain the last few days. I am going to have to give a sample if it doesn’t resolve over the weekend.

I did a search for nutritionists on my health plan and lo and behold, there is one from the weight center covered on my plan! I sent a message to my doctor. I was so pissed, I decided to take a walk. I had to mail my advance directives back to my pcp. Then I went to the store looking for Oreo ice cream and they didn’t have it. I got some green tea instead.

OMG I am freaking out. My pain meds need a prior authorization and once they get it back from doc, needs three days for approval. I run out of meds the 17^th when they are to be processed but not shipped out. I will run out of meds if this doesn’t get done in a timely manner. I just left a message with them to be aware of the faxes for both meds. I have no idea why she didn’t send it to the retail pharmacy. UGH. I am so fucking anxious and I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I am trying to calm myself by saying I have enough meds now I am ok.

My oldest niece just texted me that she is here. Hopefully spending some time with her will take my mind off these medical fiascos.