Author: Midnight Demon

Saturday Blog 02072022

I had a difficult night trying to sleep last night because of fireworks and then a thunderstorm rolled in. I didn’t fall asleep till around 530. I had emptied my bladder and then tried to sleep. Then I had disturbing dreams of people killing people and putting them in a suitcase. It was awful. I was up early as I didn’t want to go back to sleep. I took my meds around 0700. My mother and sisters went out to NH for a birthday party. I pretty much have the house to myself, though my niece and nephew is home. They don’t bother me though.

I was scrolling through Twitter and got triggered. I read how a ten year old girl got pregnant and now has to go through pregnancy. My mother started molesting me at 10. I am not having a good day.

I had two cups of coffee today to try and stay awake. I so want to take a nap. I just had one of my smoothie shakes. They are easy to make but kind of make a mess if you miss the cup. I haven’t mastered emptying the packet. I bought a 96 ct box of what I thought would be house blend coffee. Nope. It is a 96 mixed box of House, Breakfast, Pike, and Columbian, all medium roast so it is my kind of flavor. It was expensive but way cheaper than grocery stores. I saved like $20. I also bought the Spring blend again because I love it iced. My sister has a big container of flavored creamer that I use instead of sugar and half and half.

I haven’t had a bowel movement in a few days. I took Miralax yesterday so I hope I go today. I feel like there is a belt around my waist. It is so uncomfortable. I am cathing every two hours today as I am drinking a lot of fluid. I mostly have been drinking water and that runs through me pretty quick. It is hot again today. The house is a million degrees. I am glad I have the AC in my room or I would be dying.

My bicep has been bothering me all day. I don’t know why. I see the specialist doctor that will use ultrasound to inject cortisone in it on Wed. I hope I don’t freak out and cancel the appointment. I will be taking a cab there as I don’t know how my legs will be. The short walk I had the other day to the pharmacy was rough. My back cramped up so many times. It was awful. I had to sit down on stairs of people’s houses.

Sox are playing tonight. They had an ugly loss yesterday. They lead 4-0 and then the bullpen blew it. I am still mad. They are playing the Cubs in Chicago. I’ll be paying attention if I am not listening to the game.

Having a bad day

I was up nearly every hour or two all night. I finally fell asleep between 6 and 8 and had a very weird dream. It was around 9 when I woke up from this dream. I got a text from my pharmacy saying my prescription is ready would you please pick it up. Then I got a phone call from my catheter supply company. They still haven’t received some signature that they need for my secondary insurance to pick up the rest of my order. I have one box left so I need to have some caths shipped to me pretty soon. I sent a message to my uro NP telling her who to contact and what they need. I then went downstairs to make some coffee.

I made some coffee and my mother had just finished putting things back in the lazy suzy that my bro in law fixed last night. As my coffee was ready, she had decided to go back to bed for a bit. My sister came up and asked her what was wrong. Then she came into the kitchen and we talked for a bit. She said that my cousins were over my aunt’s house why not swing by. I said I had a doctor’s appointment. I really didn’t want to swing by anyways because I knew I would get introduced as my mother’s “daughter” while I had a thick mustache and beard. No, thank you. I was not going to be misgendered in front of people I don’t know. I feel funny enough as it is with my body being the way it is.

I went upstairs to sign on for my appointment and while I was logged on waiting to be “seen”, I get a call from my doctor’s office. Something happened in the office requiring security to be called and my doc was shaken up so much she couldn’t see her last two patients of the day. I had to reschedule my appointment for next week. I really hope she is ok.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and bumped into a former coworker. We chatted for a bit while waiting in line. It was good catching up to her. I then walked home and my back was really cramping and I had to sit down a few doors from my house. I rested for a few minutes before continuing up the hill to my house. I sat on the porch for a few minutes to relax before going up the stairs. I was out of breath and sweaty as it was really hot out. When I went upstairs, I washed my hands and then went to grab a big glass of water. I sucked it down. I then rested in my kitchen as my mother made lunch.

I went upstairs to cool off as it as hot as hell in the kitchen. I am really tired. My ankle pain has been up and down all day. It feels better after I take a breakthrough med but soon as it wears off, I am in hell again. Now I got to wait a week to get my meds adjusted.

While I was waiting to be seen, I looked over the ketamine clinic at the hospital and it looks like a straight forward program. I don’t want the intranasal spray. I want the IV. I told my doctor this to get the paperwork started as he needs to put in the referral for a consultation. If it helps, it helps, if it doesn’t, I still have my plan in a year.

Getting annoyed

A couple of weeks ago, I opened a document that was from a previous version of word. Now every time I open a new document, I get a compatibility mode bullshit. I have to go into info and turn it off. But I don’t want to do this for every single document. I have tried restarting Word but the issue remains. I tried google but all it lists is how to check for compatibility. If anyone knows how to turn this feature off, please let me know.

I slept late today, waking up only to pee. I got up around 1300. I had my coffee and found the kitchen to be a hell hole. Apparently, the lazy suzy broke and my mother (or my sister) took everything out. My mother said my brother in law is going to fix it when he comes home but I know my mother won’t put everything away tonight.

I’ve been lazy all day. I was going to pick up my meds but company is going over my aunt’s house and I don’t want to meet them. I’ll go tomorrow morning after my pcp appointment. I am hoping she increases my pain meds by one pill a day. The gabapentin hasn’t worked out like we hoped it would. I am going to tell her my advance directives. It would be one less worry off my mind.