Category: depression

Thor and mommy

Insomnia struck again last night. I woke up to pee and it was all over. I finished my chapter and tried working on my anthro paper. I still need 250 words and I am having trouble finding them. I have less than a week to submit it. I have no idea what time I fell asleep but I know it wasn’t long as my med alarm woke me up. I slept for about a half hour before having to get up and pee again. I drank a lot during the night. I was really thirsty for some reason.

I sent my therapist memes and she got mad. She said we need to work on my needs, or not. I sent her a text saying I wouldn’t bother her anymore unless it was to make an appt. She got me so fucking mad.

I am starting to feel overwhelmed. There is a lot of stuff to remember in my psych. I still need to read the anthro articles which take me 3 hrs per article because they are so dense and long. I need to read the next psych chapter that we are on. I haven’t heard back from the TA on meeting her. She is lecturing the class tomorrow because the professor had surgery during spring break. I just feel so fucking useless.

I am wicked tired. I honestly just want to go back to sleep but I’ve only been up for almost 2 hrs. This insomnia shit is terrible. I asked my psychiatrist for more trazodone. I just feel like if I can’t get decent sleep I am just going to fall behind in my classes. I’m already struggling in anthro. And to make things really stressful, my hair is falling out. At the rate it’s falling, I’ll be bald by September. I have no idea what to do with my hair, if I should get a wiffle or still try and keep it long on top. I don’t know.  I’ll see my barber next week and decide then.

Saturday Blog 16032024

I was able to sleep until 6am. I tried going back to sleep a few times but wasn’t really successful. My sister kept coming into my room to ask me questions. Then she came in when I got up and I was on my laptop telling me to go downstairs as my other sister needed to go out and some guy was coming. I went downstairs, not even brushing my teeth or having a cup of coffee. She told me what she wanted to have done. She said the guy would be here in like two hours so she went to do what she needed to do and I went back upstairs. I brushed my teeth and then had coffee.

I thought about going to Starbucks to do my psych work but it was like 1pm and I knew the chances of getting a seat on a Saturday that late were slim to none from past experience. I worked on my Anthro paper and then decided to go grocery shopping. I didn’t save it. When I came home after shopping, I had trouble opening my laptop. It wouldn’t bring me to the log in screen. I waited and waited for like 10 mins and then did a reboot. The reboot took like 20 mins and I thought my laptop was dead because after I logged in, I just got a blank screen instead of my desktop screen. I was in panic mode because if I lost what I wrote for this fucking paper, I would lose my shit. I patiently waited and then I saw my desktop pic. Everything loaded. I breathed a sigh of relief. I immediately loaded Word to see if it autosaved my document and it did. I was saved.

My editor sent me a message yesterday. It was about my remaining balance, which she said I could pay anytime. I sent a reply today asking her for guidance on summarizing my book for the back page. I just have one line. One meansley sentence. I am so bad at it. I think my first book had like two sentences.

I am pretty tired after being up all day. I am going to try and type up my notes for the observation assignment for Anthro. I hate this class. I watch a documentary about pigs last night for this class. I still don’t know where to look up these vocab words for the exam. I am totally lost. I’m still waiting for exam 1 results. Hopefully he will put them in next week.

I watched the ERAS tour last night and then I couldn’t sleep until 630/7 this morning. I slept on and off until 4pm. I got up and brushed my teeth. Made coffee and a PB&J. My niece was making potato skins so I decided to make smiley fries.

I’m going to try and do my anthro readings. Sox are playing at 6 so I will listen to the game. I am tired and despite having two cups of coffee, feel like I can go back to sleep.

My editor gave me an invoice on the remaining payment I owe her. I don’t get paid for another two weeks or so. I haven’t looked at the edits. I know if I do, my schoolwork isn’t going to get done. I emailed one of the TAs to get some help in understanding some of the concepts in chap 5 in psych. Tomorrow will be psych day. I’m going to go to Starbucks and just spend a couple hours reading and taking notes.