Category: depression

Zoom class today

We got a message from the psych professor that today’s class would be on zoom. I was excited because that meant I didn’t have to leave the house. I wanted to read but I’ve had a headache all day. Class was good. I am glad it isn’t going to be on the exam. There is just three chapters for the exam. I am trying to work my way through chapter 6. It’s a lot of reading.

I went and picked up my meds after class. I figure if I didn’t do it, I wasn’t going to leave the house and I needed the meds. It was nice out but the wind made it cold. I am feeling frustrated by all that I need to do for school and am just overwhelmed that it’s freezing me. I don’t know what to do first. I took my blood pressure today and it was high. So I waited a couple of hours and then took it again. It was a little lower but still high so I sent a message to the NP about it. It was high the other day, too. I sent the message around 4 so I probably won’t hear from them until tomorrow. I hope this damn headache is gone by then.

I slept ok last night. I didn’t go to sleep till after 11pm. I woke up a few times but didn’t stay up too long. I didn’t get out of bed till 1230. I was still tired when I woke up. I had a cup of coffee with some biscuits. I wanted cold cuts so my sister got some and we had dinner together. She hurt her ankle the other day and it’s pretty swollen. I feel bad for her. I think she sprained it. She then misgendered me right as I was leaving. She called me sister, then sister brother and left it at that. I didn’t say anything. I just grabbed my dish and went upstairs.

I want to go to bed but it’s early. I have no energy to read but I got to read a little something to get through this chapter. Then I can take the self-assessment test. I am hoping to be able to do this by Saturday. I have no idea when I will be reading Anthro. I am so behind in that class because I am putting all my effort in my psych class.

Overwhelmed and anxious

Today didn’t go as expected. I had a phone update and installed it and it brought my phone back to sleep mode which for some reason, disabled my med alarm. It didn’t go off so I slept until 1030, which meant I had to scramble to change my NP appointment to virtual as there was no way I was going to be in Boston in 30 mins. I ended up staying home from class and did my psych work. I finished chapter 5 and wanted to start chapter 6 but I got wicked tired. I couldn’t concentrate. A friend in my class sent me a text saying the test has been moved to next week so I am grateful.

I came upstairs and was trying to figure out how to load my paper for my Anthro class. I even called tech support and they couldn’t figure it out either. I had to wait for the professor to write me back. Then I tried to load it through my phone and it worked. Mission accomplished. I tried to nap afterwards and was greeted with anxiety that hasn’t calmed down.

I haven’t been eating too good the past couple of days. I had half a bologna sandwich today and some boiled dinner. I think it was enough so I took my Latuda. I didn’t take it yesterday because I didn’t eat anything yesterday. I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t even have any chocolate. I just drank Gatorade.

The NP is nice. She wants me to submit two blood pressure readings so I took one today and will take one on Thurs and submit it. I don’t see my pcp again till June. I am glad she didn’t ask about therapy as I am still very mad at my therapist and refuse to see her. I don’t have a plan of action so might as well not see her. Every time I think about making an appointment with her, I think about what to talk about and can’t really come up with anything.

I am so tired of being in pain. My foot and mouth hurts, for different reasons. I am just tired of being tired. Not sleeping has really taken a toll on me. I hope I get better sleep tonight.

Thor and mommy

Insomnia struck again last night. I woke up to pee and it was all over. I finished my chapter and tried working on my anthro paper. I still need 250 words and I am having trouble finding them. I have less than a week to submit it. I have no idea what time I fell asleep but I know it wasn’t long as my med alarm woke me up. I slept for about a half hour before having to get up and pee again. I drank a lot during the night. I was really thirsty for some reason.

I sent my therapist memes and she got mad. She said we need to work on my needs, or not. I sent her a text saying I wouldn’t bother her anymore unless it was to make an appt. She got me so fucking mad.

I am starting to feel overwhelmed. There is a lot of stuff to remember in my psych. I still need to read the anthro articles which take me 3 hrs per article because they are so dense and long. I need to read the next psych chapter that we are on. I haven’t heard back from the TA on meeting her. She is lecturing the class tomorrow because the professor had surgery during spring break. I just feel so fucking useless.

I am wicked tired. I honestly just want to go back to sleep but I’ve only been up for almost 2 hrs. This insomnia shit is terrible. I asked my psychiatrist for more trazodone. I just feel like if I can’t get decent sleep I am just going to fall behind in my classes. I’m already struggling in anthro. And to make things really stressful, my hair is falling out. At the rate it’s falling, I’ll be bald by September. I have no idea what to do with my hair, if I should get a wiffle or still try and keep it long on top. I don’t know.  I’ll see my barber next week and decide then.