Category: depression

Snow day in Boston

They called a snow day today so school was closed. There wasn’t much snow however as the storm moved south. The exam we were to take on Thurs got pushed to next week and I am glad because chapter 3 has a shit ton of information. I am still trying to process it. I am only about half way through the chapter. I had to take a break to eat something. I have post nasal drip today and it is irritating my throat so bad. I hope those kids that were coughing on the train last week didn’t give me their germs. I have been sneezing since I got up this morning. I am not having a good day.

I got in touch with my editor. She plans on doing what I want her to do so I am happy. I just need to figure out how to pay her with my next pay period. I am basically done writing but just need to tweak what I wrote on one thing and write an acknowledgement page which I am having trouble with.

I had another sneeze attack. Wish I knew what was making me sneeze so much. I am tired. I slept pretty ok. I woke up around 2 to pee and had a hard time getting back to sleep. I wrote in my journal for a bit. I keep thinking about my plan. I’m not really suicidal but I just don’t want to be here anymore. I am trying to live again but it is hard. I wish I didn’t feel so tired all the time. No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired. I have about a couple of hours when I first wake up that I am able to do stuff and then my energy runs out and I have to push to continue. By 5pm, I am struggling to not take a nap or lie down. It is worse on days I go out. Then I really don’t want to do anything but take my meds and go to sleep, not caring if it is before 8pm. I wish I knew how many hours I was sleeping but it sometimes takes up to an hour to get to sleep once I lay down. I sometimes wake up but don’t look at the clock so I don’t really know how long I have been sleeping. I will toss and turn and most times, wake up sweating.

Tomorrow is my sister’s wedding anniversary. I don’t know if she has plans or not. I might go out to get one of my meds and go to Starbucks for a latte. I think the shuttle buses will stop running Thurs but I am not sure. I will go the other way to my class, just in case. I can stop at the Starbucks that is in between the stations.

This class sucks

I spent the afternoon going over my Anthro stuff and it is killing me. This is I think one of the “you need a teacher’s perspective” in order to pass the class. I tried answering a few of the questions and omg it was painstaking. I still, even after re-reading the articles, couldn’t answer the questions. I am done. No one has posted their answers and it doesn’t look like a discussion has opened to add answers either. I read one of the discussion questions about exams for this class and it is going to be a combo of multiple choice, true/false, and short essay questions.  I am screwed.

I have been having mid back spasms the last couple of hours. I tried laying down and moving but nothing has helped. I don’t want to take an Ativan as that will make me sleepy. I will be taking my meds soon so maybe I will take it with it.

I had my neuro appointment today and she is pleased my headaches have improved. She said that it might take a couple of doses to work. I took my fourth dose today. I got the script after the appointment.

I was up during the night again. I read for a while. It took a while to get back to sleep. Then when my alarm went off, I didn’t want to get up. I managed a shower after my neuro appointment. I shaved and trimmed my beard. I am glad no one was home because I didn’t bring a change of clothes down. I just wrapped the towel around me and went up to my room.

I am feeling depressed. It is that time of day where I feel it most. I don’t know if it is because it is night time or what. The good news is that I haven’t been suicidal. I will take the depression. I am kind of stressed out over class. This has to be the worse class I have taken and it is my first online class.

Long commute home

I had to go to class today and I went a different route. I left early in case the trains were slow and they were but I still got to campus with an hour to kill before class. We had a quiz today. I think I did ok on it. There were some questions I had to guess. I met another student in my class and we exchanged numbers today as we have an exam next week. I am invested in the classes I have taken. Financial aid sent me a message saying they adjusted my aid. Now I owe nearly $3000. Fuck. I can’t withdraw because the deadline has passed. This sucks.

I decided to take the train to where the shuttle buses were and go to the grocery store at one of the stops. It was an extra half hour commute. I didn’t get home till after 5 and I was starving. I was able to get Starbucks but I didn’t get anything to eat. I made a PB&J when I came home. Now I am trying to stay up at least till 7pm so I can talk to my cousin. My sisters went to the casino for the next couple of days. I was supposed to go but I didn’t realize my sister booked a room for today. We were supposed to go to a concert tomorrow night and I thought we were leaving tomorrow but she made plans for today and there was no way I could do that with class and a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow I have to do the Anthro questions the professor sent us last night. It’s probably going to take me all day to do. I have to read one of the articles again because I forgot what it was about. This article is somewhat difficult to read and have the information sink in.

I am feeling anxious for some reason. I don’t know why. It just came on. I think I am overwhelmed and tired. I had another sandwich. My brother in law had cold cuts. I will be going to bed soon. I can’t stay up late anymore like I used to. Sometimes if I go to bed too early, I will wake up in the middle of the night and then I will read until I feel tired again. I had a long day so I should be able to sleep good tonight.