Category: depression

Saturday Blog 17022024

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Saturday Blog 17022024

I slept through most of the night but I had weird dreams. I stayed in bed after I woke up to pee but didn’t go back to sleep. I woke up feeling ok and then after my cup of coffee, I started to feel sick again. I am coughing less than I did yesterday but going upstairs causes me to get out of breath.

I had my second cup of coffee around 345pm when I started reading the chapter for my psych class. I am re-reading it so some of it sticks in my head and the second read through is just as tough as the first time. I got to get through this. I am taking my time though because I know if I rush through it, I won’t remember shit.

I am trying to blog today but my brain is making it hard to think. I keep going between apps on my phone. I am listening to Chris Young. I thought I had one of his albums from like 15 years ago but I don’t. So I am listening to another one of his albums. I have always liked him since he came out.

I have therapy Monday. My therapist is working the holiday because she had to take time off for jury duty. I have been fortunate not to be called in the past few years. I haven’t gotten a notice since 2007 or so. I remember because I was still recovering from CESx2 and couldn’t sit too long.

I am tired. I hate being sick. My throat is so sore from clearing it and coughing so much. I also have been sweating a lot in my room. It is just hot in here. I might open the window to get some air in. I got to get back to reading my chapter. Till tomorrow, readers.

Sick but it’s not covid

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

I still got this chest cold. I had a crappy night coughing. Felt really shitty today. I tried making alfredo for lunch but only ate a little. I saved it. I only had one cup of coffee today. I rested most of the afternoon. I need to re-read chapter 3 but haven’t felt up to it.

I went to class yesterday. There is so much information I’m not sure I’ll get it all before the exam on Tues. I’m hoping this cold is gone by then. I did a covid test and if I did it right, I’m negative. I’m glad I don’t have nasal congestion because that is worse when you’re coughing. My ears and teeth have been hurting on and off. I hope I don’t have to go to the doctor next week. I’m not running a fever. I just feel sick. Been trying to increase fluids but it’s a struggle.

I had my DMH appt today. It could have been a phone call. Only lasted like 10 mins. A case worker will contact me in a few weeks for monthly check ins. It can be goal oriented or not. Guess it depends on what I need.

I have a meme I plan to write about. I just haven’t been up to writing lately. I have some idea on what I want to write but nothing concrete. I’m still developing it.

today’s word prompt

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

Today’s word prompt: biography

Today’s word prompt is asking if there was a biography, what would it be called? I have an autobiography and it is called Midnight Demon, the name of this blog. I published it in 2014. I will have another memoir coming out this year, I hope. I will have a separate blog about it. I don’t want to give it away just yet. I am working with the editor.

The post nasal drip that I have had the past two days has turned into a slight cough. I took some extra vitamin D to combat it. I don’t feel sick but I have a headache. I have been up since before 8am when my sister got up for work and then my brother in law woke up the house for whatever reason. He was so fucking loud. I tried to go back to sleep but I had to pee and just decided to stay up. I took my meds. I tried napping a few times but the cough kept disrupting my rhythm.

I had cold pizza for lunch. I also had two cups of coffee, well really a cup and a half as the Keurig was out of water for the first cup so I only got half a cup. I tried studying but there is just so much information that I am overwhelmed. I finished chapter 3 last night before bed. It was a long chapter. I got class tomorrow. Even the slides for this chapter is long. First exam is next Tuesday and I am freaking out already. I got to know how I did on the quiz from last week. I will use it as my study guide.

I’ve two Italian lessons on Duolingo today. I scored perfectly. I am getting better at it. I just wish I could do the pronunciations better. I am going to try for Italian 102 next year, if school doesn’t bankrupt me. I still have no idea how I am going to pay the $2700 I owe right now. I am so stressed about it.

I need to take a shower today. I sweated throughout the night again. I stink. I’ll take it before bedtime. I am so tired I hope that I can make it till then. I am going to try and go through the slides again. I tried taking notes but there is just so much to write. And they talk about this sea slug for a whole section because it has just 20,000 neurons and it can be seen. I am like good for the little guy but what the hell does this have to do with learning? So many things about it. Then the chapter ends on the opening paragraphs about Jeffrey Dahmer, which had nothing to do with the chapter itself, thank god. I am not into serial killers. One of the reasons why I stopped watching Criminal Minds was cause it was getting to real. Like I could actually picture someone in real life doing these things if not worse. It’s like the Lawrence Block story I read years ago about how these brothers would vacation to different cities together just to kidnap, rape, and kill a woman in the town. Freaks me out.

It has been windy all day and the heat has been on, making my room hot. I would open the window but I know it will make my room very cold because of the wind. I learned my lesson when the temp in my room dropped to 53F. It took forever for my room to warm up. It is not too warm, just around 70. Any warmer and I would turn on the ceiling fan.