Category: depression

Stinky, sweaty, and tired

I slept ok last night, waking up once to pee and then was able to get back to sleep. I was playing music when I slept but don’t remember shutting it off. I woke up late. I don’t even remember my med alarm going off this morning. I had three goals today. To pick up more half and half, shave, and shower. I just came home from the grocery store. I am so stinky and sweaty. I am also tired so shaving and showering might or might not happen. For some reason, my right leg is hurting me today. I have had such a difficult time walking. My calf seized up while I was trying to put on my sneakers. And then again while I was walking to the bus stop. I am glad I took a cab home from the grocery store because my bag was kind of heavy.

I had a roast beef sandwich and ice cream. I bought Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy and omg it was so good. Now I can’t decide which I like better, that or chocolate fudge brownie. I had planned on shaving after I ate but I got too hot. Now I need to cool off. The next time I use the bathroom I will shave. I don’t know about showering. I might have to do that in the morning. I got an early appointment with the NP tomorrow. If I get up around six, I might be able to shower.

I called the place where I want to have therapy and much to my disappointment, my wait period is now four to five months. I am so mad at this. I can’t be without a therapist for that length of time. I most certainly will end up in the hospital and it will fuck up school. I can’t have another breakdown while taking this neuroscience class.

Brain fried today. Been up since 330am and got a migraine. Will post tomorrow

Saturday Blog 20072024

I woke up with a Benadryl hangover. I needed coffee badly. I was up till about 3am or so. I couldn’t sleep even though I was so damn tired. The Sox game is partly to blame. I finished the gender book around 0130 and it was hard to sleep after that. It is a really good book. I highly recommend it.

I went to Starbucks today because I wanted a mocha. I also needed to get my meds and I figured rewarding myself with Starbucks was the way to go. I didn’t get anything to eat except lemon loaf. I was wanting something sweet. I read a little bit of principles of psychology while I was there. I couldn’t finish the chapter. I got the bus home and then went to the pharmacy. I wanted to play the lottery but the convenient store I went to no longer sold lottery tickets. I left money for my brother in law to get a quick pick the next time he went. I didn’t feel like walking to the liquor store and back to get it.

I made hot dogs for dinner. I then washed the dishes and my holy fuck my back flared up. I am still hurting and I have been resting for a while. I got the bill for my internet and when I went online, I found that I could get it cheaper so I ordered it. I will pay off the bill and then cancel my DSL service. This means I will no longer have a house phone. But no one is using it anyways. We all have cell phones so don’t need a landline anymore.

I am wicked tired and in pain. I wanted to shave my head today but with my back flared up, I can no longer do that. It will have to wait until tomorrow. My cousin will be cleaning up my neck tomorrow. It is really hard to shave the back of your neck. I found that I have a few hairs that I missed around my ears and stuff. He will clean it up for me. I hope this damn back pain is gone by then. Usually it settles down once I have sat down and rested for a bit but it has been almost an hour and I am still hurting. The kidney pain is still going on. It’s been almost two weeks now. I see the NP Tues. I hope I can get up early as it is an early appointment. I set my alarm but that doesn’t always mean I will get up.

Because I didn’t get financial aid this semester, I had to cancel a class. I am just taking a psych class for the fall. The professor has just posted the textbook, finally. It’s cheaper than I thought it would be but still expensive. I will get it this week when I get paid. I am looking forward to this class. I am anticipating it to be tough as it is an upper level class. I did take the class before but I had to withdraw because I went psychotic that semester. It was my last semester at UMB. Brings up a lot of regret and shame. I hate that my mental illness has taken so much from me. I am trying to make things better but it is still hard.

Listening to the game. No score so far. Sox lost last night. Need to comeback tonight.