Category: depression

Feeling rough

I woke up feeling okay today but it took forever for me to get going. I had a cup of coffee and my biscuits. I didn’t want another cup. I was hungry but I didn’t feel like making anything. Around 1ish I started feeling lightheaded. BP was normal. I pushed myself to get out of the house. It was cold and rainy so not an ideal day to really want to be out. By the time I got to the bus stop, I was sweating and thirsty. I didn’t feel like going to the liquor store for a water as I didn’t have cash on me. I just waited until I got to the pharmacy. The lightheadedness got worse. I tried snoozing on the bus but I was overstimulated. I couldn’t keep my mind focused and I just wanted to be home.

I got my meds and then had to wait fifteen minutes for the next bus. I sat in the waiting area and it didn’t help. I just felt really crappy. I thought about calling an ambulance and going to the hospital. I might go tomorrow if I still feel crappy. I am not drinking a lot of fluid and even though I got a bottle of water, I only drank maybe 200 mls after spilling it on myself. The bottle was a cheap recycle so just grabbing it to hold it squeeze out water. I was not happy.

I came home and reheated the stuffing I made the other day. It was all I wanted. I have about a hundred bucks left and $80 has to go to the new migraine med. I spent $40 just for my blood pressure meds. The Latuda went up five bucks. Sucks having to pay for my meds again.

I just want to read my psych book today. But my brain isn’t cooperating. I just want to lie down for a bit. I sent my pcp a message saying I might go to the ED if I am not feeling better by tomorrow. Maybe a bag of fluid is all I need. I have been keeping track of my urination as that has been hard, too. The other day I peed twice despite drinking a lot of water, fifteen hours between voids. I thought I would have to go to the ED. I hate this shit.

A sweaty night

I had a good first day of classes. I was able to walk without too much difficulty but did something to my right foot as I can’t bear weight on it today. It hurts really bad. I took some ibuprofen to help ease the pain. It isn’t swollen and isn’t painful to the touch. Just hurts if I step a certain way. So odd.

I had an appointment with my pcp yesterday before I went to campus. I was worried about my kidney function and decreased urination. She thinks I am a bit dehydrated and wants to boost my fluid intake and then check my labs again on Monday but if I am not going for more than 12 hours, to go in and get my bladder scanned. I was worried I was having to go to the ED today because I went pee yesterday at 8 am and didn’t go again, despite drinking a lot of water, until 11pm. It was not a lot of urine but at least I went. I went twice today and feel like things are getting better. Yesterday I just had coffee and water. I wanted to drink more but I was out and about.

I had therapy today and we talked about my parents. I had some grief yesterday as I came home from being out all day and the house was empty. I had stopped at Starbucks as I wanted an egg wrap. I had wanted it all day but the Starbucks near my pcp’s office was closed for renovations. I had a cold brew coffee which was probably a bad idea as it was late in the afternoon. I was up most of the night and I was sweating most of the day, which didn’t help my dehydration. I stink and I need a shower but because my foot is hurting, it isn’t going to happen unless the pain goes away. I had cold feet most of the night and it was keeping me awake. No matter where I placed my feet, I couldn’t get them warm. I don’t know if while I was trying to keep them moving, I pulled something in my foot. I kept tossing and turning. I kept trying to say if I wasn’t asleep soon, I would read but I just couldn’t get myself to sit up and read.

I was late giving my T shot today. Therapy was at the time I usually take it so I had to put it off. The appeal of giving myself shots has worn off. My beard is also annoying me. I think I am going to trim it today if I shower. I don’t believe how much I stink. I was hot throughout the day yesterday. I think I dressed a bit too warm despite it being a little cold. I have no idea what the hell is going on with my room. It was cold and then my brother in law did something with my sister’s radiator and now my room is 70 degrees. But my feet are ice. I am sweating but my feet are cold. I don’t get it.

I am so fucking tired but I got to read. I need to have at least three chapters in my psych class done. I also need to find another lecture thing for the Anthro class. I got the 3^rd book today on Kindle. I had the option to rent it but I like owning my books so I can do what I can to them.

I need to brush my teeth and do something with my hair. It is so fucking wild. I am just letting it grow. I stopped shaving the sides and back. I hope to see my barber soon. I last saw him sometime around Thanksgiving I think. Trying to grow my hair is so hard when I am so used to it being short. I just want to have some kind of long hair on top. It’s getting there but it is taking a long time to grow it out.

Rough night and reading lectures

I had a hard time sleeping last night. My legs kept spazzing. I took a bunch of different meds but nothing worked. I drank water and then somehow fell asleep after I took my morning meds. I slept till around 2. I haven’t eaten anything since Friday. I have lost my appetite. I have been drinking coffee and having biscuits with it but that has been the only thing I have been eating. I drank a lot of water after I took my shower. I tried trimming my beard but I couldn’t get the length I wanted. I have all these attachments and I don’t know which ones to use. So annoying.

After I came back to my room to get dressed, I did my meds for the week. Then I started reading a few lectures. I have to submit a discussion for class as an introduction. I will do that tomorrow. There is a lot to read. I don’t know how much time to spend on the class. There are also a voice recordings for sections. I have no idea if I am supposed to listen to them or not. I have never done an online class before. There is so much information for this 100 level course. I am kind of shocked. But the good news is there is no papers due for class. Just three exams, which I am not sure includes the final or not.

I am excited. I just took out my notebook so I can take notes. I’ve only been up for a couple of hours and already I feel tired. Least the shaking in my legs stopped. I have no idea if it was a side effect of medication or just restless legs. I was also so damn hot last night, I kept fighting with the blanket. I would take it off and then get cold, then I would sweat. I had to take my tshirt off sometime in the middle of the night. I still sweat so I had to take a shower today. It is much more comfortable in my room now. I have no idea what was going on last night.

I have therapy tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. I know there was something I wanted to talk about but now I can’t remember what it was. Fuck. I think it was something about it being psychological. I will have to ask her what she means by that and how to control my dreaming if that is what is going on. She drives me crazy. It is a good thing I don’t drink.