Category: depression

Another day of more bullshit

I slept pretty much ok. I woke up once to use the bathroom and then I was able to get back to sleep. I don’t remember when I woke up as my sister called me, asking if I was going to the brunch for my niece. I didn’t feel like going so I just said no. I got up and it was like 1030. I had to use the bathroom again. I stayed up and took my meds. I made coffee. I wanted Chinese today and needed some stuff so I can make a casserole. I ordered and had lunch. My groceries won’t be delivered until this evening. I don’t need them right away.

I did my med boxes for the week. I was trying to procrastinate doing vocabulary work for my psych class. There were like thirty terms. If I remember half of them by exam time, I will be in good shape. I noticed on the syllabus that exam 2 doesn’t have a date so I sent the professor an email. I am still thinking about the extra credit. I just need to find something to support my idea.

I just had CVS unenroll me in their syncscript service as I can’t be getting medications on their schedule because I have to pay for them. I can’t get one of the doses of Effexor because it is too soon. Ugh. I think I will be ok. I have this week and part of next with enough doses. I am just worried about my migraine med as it is fricken $80. Sucks.

I am having anxiety and I don’t really know why. I just did some physical activity in which I brought up my groceries. I am glad they didn’t substitute the things like they did last time. I am tired and it is only 5pm. My sister just texted me for pizza so more carbs today. Yay! I can’t say no to pizza. It is my Achilles heel.

Saturday Blog 27012024

I’ve had an interesting day. I woke up around 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I had to pee and I guess it woke me up some. I rested for an hour and then gave up. I then read one of the Anthro books for an hour and maybe got some sleep. I kept waking up sweating. I was drenched. I finally gave up sleep around 10. I had some coffee and felt like shit. I knew I was dehydrated. I felt worse after I had lunch so went to the ED.

I didn’t want to but I knew if I didn’t, I could be worse by Mon. I was trying to drink but I felt so damn lightheaded. I just wanted to lay down. I took a cab to the hospital. It was busy so it was a few hours before I was scene. My veins were not cooperating and I was stuck four times for an IV and then again when my labs came back hemolyzed. I had a feeling it was going to be so because the blood flow was not great. They did a Covid/respiratory panel and it was negative. I didn’t think I had a virus. I just needed fluids and rest. After my bag of fluid was in me, I was discharged to drink more fluids and follow up with my pcp on Mon. I am supposed to have bloodwork done on Monday but will contact the office and see if they still want labs done.

I took a cab home and I have no idea what was going on around the hospital but it was brutal going home. Once we hit the highway it was clear but it was awful. I just wanted to be in my PJs and in my bed. I also had to look up the guy I have been having trouble remembering. I got his name wrong. Edward Thorndike. I had just written a note and it wasn’t all that informative. I hate when I write something thinking I will remember what it means and I read it and have no fucking clue. I read my psych book when I came home, but only to read the stuff on Thorndike. I wasn’t going to read the chapter again, even though I probably should. I will do that tomorrow.

My Anthro class is bugging me. There is a lot to read and so far there is no theme other than anthropology. The two articles I read today were not related at all. Even the books are different cultures. Maybe it will make sense next week when I read a little more. I haven’t started the book I just bought yet. I am working my way through the book I was reading at 4am this morning.

Feeling rough

I woke up feeling okay today but it took forever for me to get going. I had a cup of coffee and my biscuits. I didn’t want another cup. I was hungry but I didn’t feel like making anything. Around 1ish I started feeling lightheaded. BP was normal. I pushed myself to get out of the house. It was cold and rainy so not an ideal day to really want to be out. By the time I got to the bus stop, I was sweating and thirsty. I didn’t feel like going to the liquor store for a water as I didn’t have cash on me. I just waited until I got to the pharmacy. The lightheadedness got worse. I tried snoozing on the bus but I was overstimulated. I couldn’t keep my mind focused and I just wanted to be home.

I got my meds and then had to wait fifteen minutes for the next bus. I sat in the waiting area and it didn’t help. I just felt really crappy. I thought about calling an ambulance and going to the hospital. I might go tomorrow if I still feel crappy. I am not drinking a lot of fluid and even though I got a bottle of water, I only drank maybe 200 mls after spilling it on myself. The bottle was a cheap recycle so just grabbing it to hold it squeeze out water. I was not happy.

I came home and reheated the stuffing I made the other day. It was all I wanted. I have about a hundred bucks left and $80 has to go to the new migraine med. I spent $40 just for my blood pressure meds. The Latuda went up five bucks. Sucks having to pay for my meds again.

I just want to read my psych book today. But my brain isn’t cooperating. I just want to lie down for a bit. I sent my pcp a message saying I might go to the ED if I am not feeling better by tomorrow. Maybe a bag of fluid is all I need. I have been keeping track of my urination as that has been hard, too. The other day I peed twice despite drinking a lot of water, fifteen hours between voids. I thought I would have to go to the ED. I hate this shit.

A sweaty night

I had a good first day of classes. I was able to walk without too much difficulty but did something to my right foot as I can’t bear weight on it today. It hurts really bad. I took some ibuprofen to help ease the pain. It isn’t swollen and isn’t painful to the touch. Just hurts if I step a certain way. So odd.

I had an appointment with my pcp yesterday before I went to campus. I was worried about my kidney function and decreased urination. She thinks I am a bit dehydrated and wants to boost my fluid intake and then check my labs again on Monday but if I am not going for more than 12 hours, to go in and get my bladder scanned. I was worried I was having to go to the ED today because I went pee yesterday at 8 am and didn’t go again, despite drinking a lot of water, until 11pm. It was not a lot of urine but at least I went. I went twice today and feel like things are getting better. Yesterday I just had coffee and water. I wanted to drink more but I was out and about.

I had therapy today and we talked about my parents. I had some grief yesterday as I came home from being out all day and the house was empty. I had stopped at Starbucks as I wanted an egg wrap. I had wanted it all day but the Starbucks near my pcp’s office was closed for renovations. I had a cold brew coffee which was probably a bad idea as it was late in the afternoon. I was up most of the night and I was sweating most of the day, which didn’t help my dehydration. I stink and I need a shower but because my foot is hurting, it isn’t going to happen unless the pain goes away. I had cold feet most of the night and it was keeping me awake. No matter where I placed my feet, I couldn’t get them warm. I don’t know if while I was trying to keep them moving, I pulled something in my foot. I kept tossing and turning. I kept trying to say if I wasn’t asleep soon, I would read but I just couldn’t get myself to sit up and read.

I was late giving my T shot today. Therapy was at the time I usually take it so I had to put it off. The appeal of giving myself shots has worn off. My beard is also annoying me. I think I am going to trim it today if I shower. I don’t believe how much I stink. I was hot throughout the day yesterday. I think I dressed a bit too warm despite it being a little cold. I have no idea what the hell is going on with my room. It was cold and then my brother in law did something with my sister’s radiator and now my room is 70 degrees. But my feet are ice. I am sweating but my feet are cold. I don’t get it.

I am so fucking tired but I got to read. I need to have at least three chapters in my psych class done. I also need to find another lecture thing for the Anthro class. I got the 3^rd book today on Kindle. I had the option to rent it but I like owning my books so I can do what I can to them.

I need to brush my teeth and do something with my hair. It is so fucking wild. I am just letting it grow. I stopped shaving the sides and back. I hope to see my barber soon. I last saw him sometime around Thanksgiving I think. Trying to grow my hair is so hard when I am so used to it being short. I just want to have some kind of long hair on top. It’s getting there but it is taking a long time to grow it out.