Category: depression

I am feeling down. Chest feels heavy with the things on it. 8 days till they come off. I am so looking forward to it. I hate looking at them so much. I have thick chest hair so it really fucks with me.

I’ve been tired most of the day. I was up again last night. I didn’t take the trazodone because I didn’t think I would need it. I went to bed after 10pm. and was reading a wicked boring chapter on being vain in the Adler book. It was going around in circles, and when I saw there were 20 more pages, I just marked a paragraph and called it a night. I was getting tired anyways.

My mother was having a somewhat rough day. She has some pressure sores on her ankles. The nurse came today and said she needs to elevate them or they may burst. Something to keep an eye on.

I am having anxiety just looking at my schedule for the week. I still need to get the counter space for my needs so I am not reaching over my head while I am recovering from surgery. My sister bought food and froze it so now there is no room for my stuff. I am not happy about this. I wanted to buy some frozen dinners but now I can’t.

I guess I can plan on buying take out food. My niece has a place to order papusas. They are so frigging good. I just know I need to eat a lot of protein to help healing. I got chicken breast so that is good protein. I just don’t know what to make for my mother because her tastes have been disappearing and she doesn’t eat that much anymore. But she is still eating so that is a good thing.

Saturday Blog 18032023

I literally was in bed till around 430pm. I slept all day because yesterday I stayed up from 2 am till around 930pm. I took a new med called trazodone to sleep and even though I woke up around 1 to pee, I went back to sleep and didn’t get up again till 430.

I feel sad for some reason. I was watching Friends, the episode where Joey and Chandler get the foosball table and Ross finds out he is having a son. I miss the show. It was funny. I just feel so down. I wasted the day being in bed. I had some weird dreams. I probably won’t go to bed till late tonight. I plan on reading my book. I did my meds for the week. I had to skip the vitamins because it is now a week before surgery. My sisters asked me about it today and my bitch middle sister was like who is going to take care of you? I am on my own again. Hopefully the week after surgery will fly by without too much pain.

I have a busy week next week and I some how have to schedule in my grocery delivery so that I have food for after my surgery. I plan on having my drinks by my bed so I don’t have to carry them over to my bedside. That is going to be tough because I think I will have no lifting instructions post op but I don’t know the weight limit. I am sort of stressing over all the appointments that I have this coming week. I have therapy, pcp, eye appointment, and my advising for school in addition to PT and my haircut. I have two PT appointments next week. It will be the last of them. Can’t believe I have been going for almost three months now. I progressed a lot and can walk without getting winded. My back doesn’t hurt as well. I haven’t gotten spasms except when I shower. That hasn’t changed. Showering still exhausts me. I also sometimes get out of breath just from drying off.

The only thing I am worried about with after surgery is sweating. I sweat a lot and my chest is sometimes drenched with sweat when I wake up from sleeping. I just hope it doesn’t cause irritation or an infection with the bandages. I will be wearing a compression vest of some sort for a week with drains. I just hope I will be able to sleep. I am a side sleeper so I think I might have to sleep sitting up for a few days or so or maybe a week until the drains come out. I am not sure how the drains are going to be. I don’t want to squish them and have the body fluid on my sheets. I have to change my sheets next weekend. Gosh, I am so fricken excited and nervous and scared whenever I think about it all. I will finally be flat chested again! No more boobies!! I can build my pec muscles up when I recover. I plan on going to a gym to do this. I just hope my mother doesn’t need full on care while I recover because I might be a little out of it the first week.

I had a cup of coffee when I got up with my biscuits. The biscuits have been the only thing I have eaten all day. I just had my night time Ensure of 350 cals to take the Latuda. I am still sleepy though I am trying to stay up for a coupe more hours.