Category: depression

Icy day in Boston

I had groceries delivered this morning but my Gatorade AND Powerade were not delivered as they were “out of stock”. I will receive a credit for it in the next few days. Fucking sucks. I will have to go to the store next week and stock up on it. I am glad I didn’t have the Holter monitor on as my heart rate went up to nearly 190 after coming up the stairs with the groceries. It settled down with rest. I had to make a few trips as it was just me to carry them up the stairs.

I started writing this yesterday but never got to finish it. It is now Saturday. It is still cold as it is 20 degrees outside. It is sunny out so I hope some snow melt but it isn’t likely with a temp of 20. Last night I got hit with some really bad bladder pain and really got my mood low. I didn’t want to do anything and there was nothing really for me to take. A friend suggested ibuprofen so I gave that a try. I was still hurting hours later. I am still hurting today. I have no urge to go so I am on a timer again.

I made coffee this morning but I didn’t drink it all. I had a bowl of cereal. For lunch I had pancakes and a cup of tea. I feel more awake with the tea than I did with the coffee. I also took some Miralax as I haven’t had a BM since Tues. I am stressing out about this because I hate being constipated. I have been passing gas but nothing else is moving.

I was hoping to hear from the Holter monitor people yesterday but I didn’t. I am going to wait until Mon before I contact my pcp’s office to tell them I haven’t heard from them. I still think being on a beta blocker would solve the issues I am having. I just need to convince my pcp to put me on it.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept on having weird dreams. I kept waking up every few hours from the dreams. I feel really tired. I might take a nap soon. I need to find the box that has my little sterile cups in them. I want to test my urine to make sure I don’t have an infection. I bought some chem sticks off Amazon. I was shocked that it was so easy. Sometimes you can’t get medical stuff unless you have a healthcare account. This will save me the trouble of having to go into Boston to get my urine cultured. I won’t go unless the dipstick is positive.

I just had dinner of stuffing and cranberry sauce. I was going to put it in a wrap but I didn’t close the bag right and they all hardened. I just wanted comfort food tonight.

A day of rest and feeling like shit

Yesterday I didn’t do anything. I was still pretty sore from PT. I had a really hard time sleeping. I was up like every hour and just could not get into a good sleep. I was tired for most of the day. I wasn’t in a lot of pain but I just felt shitty. Today is more of the same except I got sleep. My med alarm went off at 7 because I forgot to change the time to 8. I didn’t want to get up. I stayed in bed a couple more hours and then emptied my bladder even though I didn’t have the urge. I then had a cup of coffee. My niece was in the kitchen painting and had taken up nearly half of the kitchen table. We talked as I drank my coffee. She broke the cover of the sugar bowl. Her mother is not going to be happy about it. I can already hear the yelling.

I’ve been craving pizza so I ordered it today. I wanted a coke but the place had pepsi so I got that. When it was delivered, I was delivered a coke. Score. My mother is making broccoli. She is probably going to make pasta with it for supper.

I wanted to go out to get half and half but I placed a grocery order instead. It will be coming tomorrow. I hope that they give me all that I ordered unlike last time. I need Gatorade! Figures tomorrow is supposed to rain. I should reschedule the delivery but I don’t feel like waiting. I will make sure to ice the stairs. Supposed to be cold tomorrow. Boston public schools just announced that they are closed due to the weather. They never closed school when I was going.

I had an idea for my memoir. I think I am going to write about the discrimination about weight for breast surgery. That has been my only trouble in getting surgery is my weight. I need to look into it to get ideas about how to write about it.

Around 2p today I got palpitations and my heart rate went to 112 just with me sitting on my bed reading Twitter. I wasn’t reading anything disturbing but I felt my heart beat. It is ok now but it scared me. I am having rib pain and I sent a message to pcp asking what I should look for if I am having a heart attack. This pain has been going on for the past two hours but I had it before. They said that the pain would be radiating and down arm, neck, shoulder, jaw. I would also have nausea. So that is some stuff to keep an eye on when I am having these stupid episodes.

I got a call from the LGBTQ clinic saying they had an opening in their chronic pain support group. I left them a message to call me tomorrow to set up a time to meet. I was on their waitlist for more than a year. If It pans out, I will send a message to my psychiatrist to tell him. I don’t see him till the end of March due to scheduling. So ridiculous I have to wait an entire month to see him.

My mood for the day because I haven’t been able to sleep