Category: depression

A tiring fucking day

I am wicked tired. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and only stayed up long enough to check my messages on my phone and then went back to bed. My morning med alarm went off. I shut it off and then went back to sleep. I missed PT because I didn’t get up. Then my bowels and bladder forced me up. Thank god my mother was done with the bathroom or I would have had a bowel accident. I would have made coffee or tea then but my mother was making her lunch and was using the space where the coffee maker was. I went back to bed for another couple of hours.

I got up around 2 and listened to my messages. My PT left a message as she was worried about me not showing up. I sent her a message saying that I overslept and that I was ok, just tired. I made some coffee and had some Belvita cookies. By the time I was done, it was time to log on the computer for the my zoom meeting with the group leader for the chronic pain group. The meeting went well and I can start next week. I am kind of nervous about it. It is a small group with about seven people give or take if they all show up.

Migraine just hit me so that is all for today.

Sunday blog 06022022

I got up well after noon. I didn’t want to get up. I took my morning meds because I had to pee and then I went back to sleep. I woke up hungry so decided to get up. I had brushed my teeth earlier and was happy about it. I need to take a shower today. I did my med boxes for the week. I am experimenting with not taking senna this week and only taking Miralax.

I did some research on BMI and top surgery and found an article that says weight loss is not necessary for obese patients. I am going to take this to my appointment in April. It was written last year so I hope my surgeon is up to date. I feel relieved about this. I just got to worry about financing the surgery, should it come to that.

I need to take a shower today. I also would like to shave my beard, not clean off just trim it a little. I just need to find the energy for it. I am still tired. I don’t know why because I slept ok. I don’t remember waking up in the middle of the night. I did get up around 0130 to pee but I was able to get back to sleep.

My catheters were delivered today. I got to check to see if I owe a balance or not. My new insurance is tricky and has some weird copay system. Of course, they didn’t explain it in the benefits package they sent when you signed up for it. I just hope the surgeon takes it.

Icy day in Boston

I had groceries delivered this morning but my Gatorade AND Powerade were not delivered as they were “out of stock”. I will receive a credit for it in the next few days. Fucking sucks. I will have to go to the store next week and stock up on it. I am glad I didn’t have the Holter monitor on as my heart rate went up to nearly 190 after coming up the stairs with the groceries. It settled down with rest. I had to make a few trips as it was just me to carry them up the stairs.

I started writing this yesterday but never got to finish it. It is now Saturday. It is still cold as it is 20 degrees outside. It is sunny out so I hope some snow melt but it isn’t likely with a temp of 20. Last night I got hit with some really bad bladder pain and really got my mood low. I didn’t want to do anything and there was nothing really for me to take. A friend suggested ibuprofen so I gave that a try. I was still hurting hours later. I am still hurting today. I have no urge to go so I am on a timer again.

I made coffee this morning but I didn’t drink it all. I had a bowl of cereal. For lunch I had pancakes and a cup of tea. I feel more awake with the tea than I did with the coffee. I also took some Miralax as I haven’t had a BM since Tues. I am stressing out about this because I hate being constipated. I have been passing gas but nothing else is moving.

I was hoping to hear from the Holter monitor people yesterday but I didn’t. I am going to wait until Mon before I contact my pcp’s office to tell them I haven’t heard from them. I still think being on a beta blocker would solve the issues I am having. I just need to convince my pcp to put me on it.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept on having weird dreams. I kept waking up every few hours from the dreams. I feel really tired. I might take a nap soon. I need to find the box that has my little sterile cups in them. I want to test my urine to make sure I don’t have an infection. I bought some chem sticks off Amazon. I was shocked that it was so easy. Sometimes you can’t get medical stuff unless you have a healthcare account. This will save me the trouble of having to go into Boston to get my urine cultured. I won’t go unless the dipstick is positive.

I just had dinner of stuffing and cranberry sauce. I was going to put it in a wrap but I didn’t close the bag right and they all hardened. I just wanted comfort food tonight.