I have not been feeling well the past few days. I have been in pain that has been unbearable and it has been unbearably hot. I still don’t have my A/C in as the temps are supposed to drop over the next few days. I cannot wait till it does because I hate to sweat.
I sent my chapter on my psychiatrist yesterday and got a response today. She loved it. I feel humbled by that as I thought there would be something she would want to change or take out and she just liked it as is. This is the book that I am writing. I wanted to show her what I was writing in case I had some things wrong or something and she liked it. She has been a major support of mine. I can’t tell you how much she has supported my writing. I remember when I my poster got accepted for my first poster session for the American Association of Suicidology. She wanted to be there but was there in spirit. She liked my writing then and really likes my blogs. I think I have learned a lot from her more than she realizes. But then we are going on twenty years of knowing one another.
I still don’t understand why my foot is bothering me today. I didn’t do anything except watch tv. I had my foot up most of the time. I just don’t get it.
Today was to start the pill but I am still bleeding so I am debating on it. I might hold off another week. I kind of am afraid of using the patch because I am afraid with the heat I will sweat it off and then what am I going to do? I know this sounds brilliant just having to use a patch for week than take a pill every day but with the heat wave on, I am a little cautious. I just hope I don’t have an allergic reaction with it or something. That the other thing that I am worried about. I got sensitive skin. I just don’t want the adhesive to hurt me. I hope that it also comes off easily.
Don’t know if I mentioned this, but my therapist pissed me off about psychache scales and such. I tried taking one yesterday but I am in so much physical pain, it was next to impossible to sort out my emotional pain from my physical. I couldn’t believe I was caught in the conundrum. I thought it would be an easy assessment as I was not feeling any psychache but the questions were specific and I just couldn’t separate how I was feeling physically with how I was doing emotionally. I found it very frustrating. I had to leave it half undone. So then this got me thinking that maybe I should read Managing Suicide Risk to get some insight into how to separate my thoughts from how my physically I am feeling but I couldn’t get into it. It’s not like it was technical or anything, I just didn’t have the brain power with this heat. Even now all I want to do is sleep. My Sox game is being delayed due to the weather.
I haven’t been eating much the past few days. I have had no appetite since this heat wave started. I haven’t lost any weight though, which is weird. I guess I am eating enough for my daily requirements. Today all I had was a bowl of mac and cheese and an ice cream sandwich. I didn’t feel like eating anything else. I have been drinking a lot of fluids though. I had at least 3 big glasses of lemonade/ice tea. I figure I have to keep hydrated even if it means going to the bathroom more.
midnightdemons7 