songs and their meaning to me

I had my sister’s car today and lucky for me, Taylor Swift’s Fearless CD was the first disc in her CD player. I listened to “Love Story” at least five times while riding around town. It got me thinking about my therapist for some reason, all the struggles we have been through over the years and now we have a “love” that only we know about. The lyrics really struck a chord with every verse. No matter how many times I have listened to this song, I never get tired of listening to it. I can hear it all day and love it just as much as when I listened to it the first time.

Then when I came home, I decided to listen to my Taylor playlist. First song was “Enchanted”. It always reminds me of the time I had my first poster session at the American Association of Suicidology 41st annual conference. It was when David Jobes read my poster and I was flipping out, though I tried not to let him see me freak out. I was just so honor and star struck that he was reading my work, Ten Faces. Funny how songs can stir up these memories.

I did a little editing today but didn’t make it to twenty pages. I only did seventeen. I did it while I was at my favorite Starbucks drinking a new coffee, Jamaica Blue Mountain. It was very good but I couldn’t finish it all. I was too full. Now I am home and think I want to take a nap before I have to pick up my brother in law at the train station. I woke up at seven this morning. It’s going to be a long day because the Sox are on tonight. The game doesn’t really matter (to the Sox) but do matter with the O’s. I feel bad that Manny Machado go hurt and will miss the postseason. There are just three more games in the regular season for the Sox. I don’t know when the first playoff game is yet. I have to look into it. But then I don’t know who they are playing. I don’t know if they will play the wild card or what. I hope Texas wins the wild card. I just hate playing the Rays.

I still am feeling hopeless. I can’t wait to see my psychiatrist next week to give her an update and see if she has any suggestions. Maybe a new antidepressant is out there that might help me, though I doubt it. But she might have something that might help lessen the dissociative episodes. I guess I don’t have to be on Neurontin to get into them. My therapist keeps telling me that since she has known me, I have been dissociative in nature. I don’t have a true dissociative identity disorder (DID), but I do have DID, NOS (not otherwise specified). I don’t think this stuff made it to my book. I just talked about my suicidality, but seeing as most of these blogs have been really good, I might include them as a chapter. It would be interesting, I think.