Am I a blogger or a writer?

I’ve been staring at this screen for some time and I just can’t think of what to say. I am in shock today. My writing buddy’s mother passed away this morning unexpectedly. I feel so bad for her. She has dealt with so much loss. I am sending her good thoughts. I would say prayers but I don’t pray. I am not a religious person and haven’t been in some time.

I had my meeting with my pdoc and I don’t know what it is with my psych team, but all we talk about is my book. I think they are more excited than I am. I just wish my editor would get back to me before I lose what is left of my mind. The waiting is getting ridiculous. She told me the middle of March, which is now past. I am hoping to hear from her in the next day or so. Otherwise, I am going to have to do the edits, which also means I won’t have a publishing time of April. It could be May before I finish. I had started the second read through. I just have to finish it.

So tomorrow we are supposed to have a snow storm starting in the evening. I honestly don’t believe we are getting more snow. Then it’s supposed to be sixty degrees on Friday. I wanted to go out to see my therapist Wednesday but now that is not going to be likely because the storm is still supposedly going on. And I don’t drive in the snow. If I can avoid it, I will. Especially since it won’t be my car that I am driving. And I know the storm is coming, at least precipitation because my back has been aching really bad the last few hours.

Since we talked about my book the majority of the time today between my psychiatrist and my therapist, the issue of whether I am a writer came up. My psychiatrist says that I am. So I guess that settles the matter even though I don’t consider myself one. I don’t know why I am having a hard time believing that I am writer. Maybe I am just in denial or something. I consider myself more of a blogger. To me, that is what I do. A writer is someone that writes books. I write blogs, which is different than a book. When my book is published, I can call myself an author. But not before then because I don’t want to jinx it. Yea, the book is done and technically I am a writer because I wrote one book but it is not my profession like my therapist thinks it is. I don’t know if my psych thinks so. I do know that writing has helped me tremendously with my mood. It sort of is a catharsis as I could write whatever and not worry about being criticized for it. Granted I would love to have more comments on my blog but understand not everyone wants to comment. I do the same thing when I read a blog. If there is something worthwhile to say, I will comment. Otherwise, I just give it a like.

My therapist has not read my TG/suicidal mind blog yet. I am kind of nervous about it. Any time my therapist brings up my TG issues, I cringe because I don’t know what kind of feelings it is going to stir up for me. That blog was very emotional for me, which is why I passed it along. I didn’t have to but thought it might be a good conversation starter, sort of. Sometimes I don’t think things through when I get emotional. But who really does? If it is too bothersome, I can always change the topic with my writing. Lately, that has been a good subject she likes to talk about…