Meeting with my Pdoc

Meeting with my Pdoc

I found out that my doc wanted to really know what had happened last week. I had emailed her to let her know that I had a dissociative episode and the next thing I know she wants to meet with me. I initially had an appointment with her on Friday but she moved it up to today. I was surprised that my email generated such concern, but then it is not usual for me to have these dissociative episodes. I told her everything that I had told my therapist this past week about it. She kept on calling the new person Hyde, and I had to correct her that it wasn’t Hyde, but another person. I gave a description of what went on, before I fell asleep that night. I still remember in detail about what went on because I was in somewhat control. It was just scary to me because the person inside me was so angry.

She, like my therapist, had no explanation for me. She knows that I am not DID but I do dissociate. The thing was, as I told her, the alter was familiar. I know I have felt him before but this was before I knew about dissociation and the like. I also told her that I was under heavy narcotics and she thinks that instead of me hallucinating, I dissociated. But if that were the case, this would happen more often as I do take these meds frequently. I have to, to keep my pain levels from driving me to suicide. She knows I need my pain medication. I still think that low blood sugar contributed more than just taking my meds.

Before we concluded, she asked me if I wanted to do the mock interview for her 1st year medical students. I said sure and she specifically wants me to talk about Cauda Equina Syndrome (CES). That is not a problem. I have talked about it before and I can certainly talk about it again. My brace should be sufficient cause to raise an eyebrow or two. The only thing that sucks is that I have to be interviewed by the same older woman as last year. She intimidated me and kept my answers short. I couldn’t elaborate because I felt like she lost interest in what I was saying a few sentences into the answers to her question. It was like I should only be saying yes or no to her questions, which is not possible when you are trying to teach medical students about something as complex as CES.

As we were talking about Hyde, she asked me if I read the book. I told her I didn’t and so she recommend that I read it. I got a free download of it on Kindle. I will read it after I make some progress with my Civil War book. I have so many books that I am in the middle of that I hate to start a new one. She considered me calling the new “he” Jekyll. I wouldn’t mind that.

She asked me what I wanted to be called. I said GC. She asked why I didn’t go for Alex, I said it didn’t fit for me and I tried Mike for a year. GC just seems like a good name to choose and she agreed.