Rearview Mirror

Rearviewmirror

I have babysitting duties tonight so I thought I would write now before I have to pick up the rugrat.

The sleepy’s haven’t left me. I feel really tired so need to lie down. I do but then I don’t go to sleep. I ruminate about things. Then when I finally get to the sleep stage, my damn phone goes off, disturbing me. GGRRR.

I still haven’t received the money that is owed to me by my royalties. I hope changing the banks works. Otherwise I don’t know what I am going to do.

Because I have to drive to pick up the rugrat and it’s really cold out, I can’t take any pain meds. I am not in super pain but just enough to say ouch. Those with Chronic pain will understand. I haven’t done too much today, other than go up and down my stairs to get something to eat and use the bathroom. I wish I had one near my room but there is no space for it. Oh well. I just took a shower and that helped to wake me up a little bit. I wish I had my new shampoo for my dry scalp but it hasn’t arrived yet. I hope it gets delivered today like it is supposed to.

I got a new printer. It was finally delivered the other night, well past the normal delivering hours. I was happy. However, I can load the damn drivers and it is driving me crazy! I just want to toss it out the window! Or return it! But I know it’s some kind of connection issue and I just have to figure it out. Though maybe I will, when I am not so cranky. I really have no patience these days. My damn father just sucks it right out of me. He called 4 times last night because he wanted to keep his cancelled appointment. It was 1945 when he first called! The office was closed so what the hell was I supposed to do?? I just let the phone calls go to voicemail. I was sleepy anyway and had no energy to deal with a two year old (father). I called him this morning and tried calling the office to set up another appointment but there is supposed to be a BIG snow storm this weekend going on so I am sure they are probably busy making other arrangements for their appointments for Monday and Tuesday. Snow is supposed to start tomorrow and end Tuesday! FUN FUN FUN. NOT. I don’t know where we are supposed to put this dump. We barely have room to keep what we have! This is the snow year. We broke the record for the most snow this season and it hasn’t stopped.

I talked with my therapist last night. We mostly talked about my imbecilic father. I wish I could say that it was a good conversation but it left me worried because of my psychotic symptoms. We talked about my psychiatrist not being there and how much she is a supportive person in my life. But for some reason she hasn’t pawned me off to her covering doctor. I am not sure I need to, but if the psychosis doesn’t go away, I am going to need some guidance. I can’t handle this on my own and I really don’t want to go back to the hospital, where I will get no treatment other than supportive care and dosed with numerous meds to keep me “safe”. I don’t think I can handle another admission. My last one was long and didn’t really help me. None of the issues that lead me to the hospital were dealt with. It was so frustrating. And my case worker just had her own agenda which was nothing to do with me.

I got my menses today which means I have to go back to female underwear and supplies. So demoralizing. I also have to stop the pill for a week to give myself a break. This so sucks!!