Push

Still in a bad mood. Don’t feel like talking much to anyone. Even my therapist got my growls today. I feel hungover but I haven’t had alcohol. I was hoping coffee would wake me up but it didn’t, least not yet. I bought my new coffee, which I hope to have tomorrow morning. I haven’t decided if I am going to get my hair cut again or not. I have to do an errand for my father tomorrow before I go to his house and will be walking right by the barber’s shop. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

I made an appointment for my eyes for Friday morning. I will then pick up my prescription for my pain meds. I haven’t decided when to make my cookies. I got all the stuff I needed yesterday after my therapy appointment. I even got bacon just because it was there.

I told my therapist I need to get a new pair of sneakers. But they are freaking expensive. I haven’t had the luxury of buying sneakers in three years. And now that I don’t need to wear the AFO, I can get regular sneaks. I used to have to buy one size bigger than the other so the AFO can fit, which meant buying two pairs. It sucked because I had an unmatched pair.

Foot and leg are hurting today. I might end up taking some pain meds and call it a day. I thought I would have energy after my coffee to make cookies but I don’t. My mother will be making dinner soon so I really can’t be messing up the kitchen now. Maybe later tonight. I am still waiting for the butter to get soft. I forgot to take it out last night. I bought both the Giardelli and Hershey’s chocolate chips as I just couldn’t decide which one to get. I plan on making two batches of cookies. Whether that will be one tonight and one tomorrow, or both tomorrow, remains to be seen. I really don’t have the energy to do much of anything. Just going out today for lunch and a coffee was difficult. I didn’t even write in my journal like I usually do.

I think my therapist wants more letters as she wants me to write about my broken heart. No one caused it, least not that I know of. I just know my heart feels like it has been broken in two and I don’t know why I feel this way. Just one day a few weeks ago, I was in immense pain and I have been like that ever since. My psychiatrist is back in business so I don’t have to worry whether I am going to see her ever again. I am sure I can call her and make an appointment sooner than two weeks if I need to. But I don’t want to be seen. How can you describe your heart being broken into millions of pieces when there is no cause? I haven’t suffered a loss. Sure, my game is ended but my heart broke before I found out. I just am so incredibly sad. Baseball season is going to start next week so I should be in better spirits. But as I recall last year, I was feeling the same as I am feeling today. I have no interest in baseball right now, and anyone that knows me, knows that is not a good thing. But I also have no interest in writing about it. I might write her a letter tonight and then post it as a blog password protected. This just saves me from using a stamp in mailing her a letter.