Busy Day

Busy Day

I really wanted to sleep today, but my sister asked me for a favor so I couldn’t. I went to her house to wait for the cable guy to give her new boxes. I was bored shitless. I brought my laptop so edited one of the stories that I am working on. I thought it would be triggering for me but it wasn’t. I really didn’t focus on the content, just what needed to be fixed.

I am finding it harder and harder trying to play my game that is closing the end of the month. I just feel what I am doing is futile. Like I am planting crops to give me coins that I will never lose. I am trying to empty my bank account by withdrawing 300,000 coins a day. But I have 27 million coins so it is going to take a while and I don’t think it is going to happen. It’s just making the hopelessness that I feel worse. It is also making the depression worse. I know it sounds silly, but I have been playing this game for years, since it started 5 or 6 years ago.

Last night I fell sleep before seven and then woke up around midnight. I stayed up for a few hours before my meds kicked in. I mostly played poker. And slept for a few hours. Tomorrow I have to go over my father’s for a few errands. I just hope I sleep tonight. I am going to try and not sleep before seven again. My leg is hurting though. I think having it down for a few hours while waiting for the cable guy and letting him work, just hurt my leg. I been taking pain meds so I know that is going to make me more sleepy than I already am. Trying to stay awake till eight tonight is going to be a challenge.

Another thing that made me sad is my two favorite DJs have left my favorite country radio station. Now they have this young kid that sucks between the hours of 2-7. I don’t know who is running the after 7 show. I am listening today to see if I like him or her. I still follow my DJs on Twitter and Facebook. I have heard them for the last 17 years so I still would like to know what goes on in their lives.

I cancelled therapy for next week, though I won’t really know if it is really canceled until the day of session. She can “conveniently” forget and call me anyways. I really don’t want to talk to her next week. I feel like I need a break and some time to think about what she was trying to get into my head yesterday.

Other than editing my story, I haven’t done anything else. I still am swirling with another story that I am trying to figure it out. Though I don’t know if it will be an add on to the psychosis story or a separate one. I will decide once the story gets written. If I still use the first person, then it will get added, otherwise it will be going its separate way.

My mood hasn’t been too far down today. I still feel low but I think that is because I am still sleep deprived. I haven’t been too suicidal or anything. But then, I really haven’t had time to think today. It’s hard to think when I am so tired. I don’t think I will be reading today. Next week I might go to the eyeglass place and get a quote on my glasses. I got a coupon for buy one get one free. So we’ll see if it will fit my budget. I really want to get new frames, though I really like the single vision frame that I have. I’ll also look to see how much just lenses will be for this frame.

I am trying to expand my book to include Nook. And once again, I am having formatting issues. I don’t have the patience to deal with this. So I am just not going to deal with it and not have my book on Nook. One less stress out of my life!