It’s another hot and humid day. Yuck. I was sweating so much my shirt was soaked by the time I came home. I just got out of the shower. I probably will need another one tomorrow when I come home from my father’s. I didn’t go into town for the writing workshop. It was too hot. I had dinner and now I am not leaving my room except to go to the bathroom.
My mood is back to being “good”. I don’t think it’s hypo. I feel kind of racy but not too much. I had my coffee today and then afterwards, I took a nap. It keeps on having an opposite effect on me. I don’t get it. I could use another nap. But the game is going to be playing soon. Maybe it will wake me up.
I got bluffed last night. I got a tweet that said the ruling on Tom Brady that would happen today was no concessions, no suspensions, and a $50K fine because he didn’t turn over his damn cell phone, meaning he was “uncooperative”. Now, no decision has been made and they are pushing the ruling to Aug 31st! I am so pissed off. I really thought it was going to go away finally and instead we have another week of this bullshit.
I haven’t been able to read the past few days. I just haven’t been in a concentrating mood. I got my menses last night. I am not happy about this. I thought I would have at least another month before this would happen. After this week, I will have to stop taking my hormone pills so that it can stop. I don’t want to stop now because the week already started and it’s much easier to do on a Sunday than a Tuesday. The only thing that I am liking about this is that my leaking will be absorbed by the pad I am wearing so I won’t be smelling like piss as much. The downside is that I will be wearing these fucking things for a week and a half. I am not looking forward to this.
I had the lump on my Achilles checked out. My doc said it was a nodule made from irritation from my sneaker. He gave me some new way of tying my sneaks that is supposed to help. I told him the new medication (NSAID) is helping decreasing the pain a little bit, but am finding it difficult to take it with food. This is because I don’t usually eat till later in the day and then I forget to take it. I usually take it after my dinner. I find that it works better on a full stomach. I see my PCP next week. I am not looking forward to it because of my weight. I am paranoid about him saying something about it, and he always does. The appointment would go so much better if he just stuck to just giving me a physical and then handing me my prescription for pain meds. I wouldn’t have to be so nervous and shameful. I don’t think doctors really know how much they can stress their patients out when they know they need to lose weight and they just can’t. I would seriously have to starve myself in order to lose weight or be on a very restrictive diet. I can’t do that. I love food too much and that is part of the problem. I think I might try the liquid diet for two weeks and see where it gets me. I know that if I get the weight off, it will stay off. I hate being the way I am. I know part of it is the body image issues I have. The rest is just all my life being told I was fat and ugly. Course, I will start the diet after I have had my steak dinner and manwich. Been looking forward to having these to foods for a long time.
midnightdemons7 
I don’t know the full extent of your injury and limitations so please forgive me. But I want to share something with you. So a few months ago I could barely walk. Both of my heels were burning. My knees were hurting. My hips were hurting. I couldn’t bend over to put my pants on or tie my shoes without some difficulty. I couldn’t roll over in bed without effort and pain. Then I found this exercise and eating program. I started doing it. I lost 20 pounds. The exercise was hard. But I kept at it. Little by little (and I mean little by little, no joke my progress was so slow it was overwhelmingly discouraging) I got better at it. I could stretch a little further and perform each exercise just a little better. And then one day I noticed the pain was better. Not gone. But better. Then about 3 weeks ago I stopped. Work got busy, life got stressful, and I was coming home tired and depressed and I wasn’t doing my exercise. And I started cheating more on my diet. And you know what? Little by little my pain is getting worse again. So, I think the exercise was helping me. And I am not talking about killer exercise. I am morbidly obese. I can’t run. I can’t jump. I am not about to become an Olympic champion. But for 30 minutes several times a week I was moving my body through a series of low impact cardio and strength building exercise. And it was making a difference. I see that now. I didn’t see it then because slow progress discourages me. I like instant gratification and this process is not going to happen that way. My busy time at work should end this week. The kids are settled in to school. I plan to get back on track!! It is just a thought. But maybe you can try it. Maybe some moderate activity, regularly done, and over time, would help you? I can’t walk. For exercise. Causes horrible pain. But these videos I am doing really helped.
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