Painfully slow day

Painfully slow day

If you ever want to look at the definition of psychomotor retardation, today I was the clear picture of it. I could not move fast to save my life. Every thing is in slow motion. I slept for most of the day after my groceries were delivered. I was able to take a shower and then planned on seeing my father but it didn’t happen. I was too sleepy after the shower to even think about getting dressed. My thoughts are again slower than molasses. I had some time to write before my sister picks me up to go to the hospital.

I just feel like shit. This has to be the worse depression I have had. I have never been a slow person before. Even making dinner tonight was a hassle. It must have taken me ten minutes to open the package of ribs just to place them in the baking pan to cook. I hate feeling like this and I feel so weepy, like if things don’t go my way, I am going to cry.

Things have never been this bad for me, that I can recall. I would give anything to be some what hypomanic right now just so this slowness goes away. It’s so painful not to have your thoughts at normal speed. I keep staring at the cursor and wonder what will come next but nothing is there. I have this huge sadness on my chest and I just want to sleep it away.