As tired as I fucking am, I am can’t sleep. I just took my night meds so I am hoping they will knock me out some. I wrote to my psychiatrist telling her that my depressive symptoms are getting worse, not better. I also gave an update on my father as he was discharged today. No more running back and forth to the hospital, least for now.
I don’t have a lot on my mind. It’s so fucking hard when you can’t think. I really feel like I am doped up on trilafon but I’m not. It’s just really difficult trying to pull my thoughts together to string a sentence along.
I was having side effects of the abilify. It’s the second time in the last two weeks this has happened. I don’t know if the Zoloft is interacting or not. I sent off an email to my psych. The spasms are the worse than the string bean feeling in my extremities. Then I was having back spasms, too. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t know if it’s called akathisia or dystonia but it fucking sucks. I told my psych I had to take an extra Ativan to settle it down. I hate having to take an extra one so close to the first one but what choice did I have? It was three hours ago that I took my meds. The side effects woke me up from sleep. I have never had that happen before.
I feel so drained, like all the energy has been sucked from my body. I took my weight today and I am down eight pounds. I couldn’t believe it. I am getting closer to my goal of being 185. Not ideal but it’s better than what I am now. Maybe if I am down, I can get off one of my blood pressure medicines. I really would love to get off the labetalol because I have to take it twice a day. Sometimes I forget to take the morning dose. I am better at taking it with the app that I have but on the mornings when I have appointments or need to see my father, I forget to bring it with me to take.
I took some magnesium tonight to try and combat the spasms I was having in my back. I got to remember to take it because it really does help me. I remember reading about magnesium more than ten years ago and how essential it was in treating certain disorders. The author was advocating for a higher range of magnesium in the blood. I don’t remember his reasoning, but if I come across his article, I will post it. It used to be on the web but the website is no longer there.
The thing I am worried about is that my bowels weren’t feeling right yesterday. I had missed having an accident twice yesterday because of loose stool. And tonight with my night meds, I took my Senna. I was going to skip it but forgot. Now I am going to be house bound until my bowels let loose. I hope that by noon I will have a movement so I can go to my father’s to do what I need to do.
Meds have kicked in. I am no longer a spaz. Wish the meds helped ease the tension in my neck but I guess you can’t have everything.