Painfully slow day

Painfully slow day

If you ever want to look at the definition of psychomotor retardation, today I was the clear picture of it. I could not move fast to save my life. Every thing is in slow motion. I slept for most of the day after my groceries were delivered. I was able to take a shower and then planned on seeing my father but it didn’t happen. I was too sleepy after the shower to even think about getting dressed. My thoughts are again slower than molasses. I had some time to write before my sister picks me up to go to the hospital.

I just feel like shit. This has to be the worse depression I have had. I have never been a slow person before. Even making dinner tonight was a hassle. It must have taken me ten minutes to open the package of ribs just to place them in the baking pan to cook. I hate feeling like this and I feel so weepy, like if things don’t go my way, I am going to cry.

Things have never been this bad for me, that I can recall. I would give anything to be some what hypomanic right now just so this slowness goes away. It’s so painful not to have your thoughts at normal speed. I keep staring at the cursor and wonder what will come next but nothing is there. I have this huge sadness on my chest and I just want to sleep it away.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

3 thoughts on “Painfully slow day”

  1. Such a bummer. I know when I get my bad depressions, I feel like I’m stuck in molasses in winter. It’s horrible. So I literally feel for you, based on my own experiences. Hope tonight’s the night you flip into pleasantly euphoric hypomania…even euthymia wouldn’t be a bad thing….!

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