Another Slow Day

Another Slow Day

I have been having another slow day where my thoughts are just not there. I was debating writing this blog. It’s just so hard to write when you can’t think of what to say.

I went to my father’s to do his pills for the week. There was a problem with the pharmacy so we need to wait to get all his pills. I will have to go back tomorrow, something I wasn’t planning on doing. I so wanted to spend the day in bed. Guess that will be Sunday.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed but I didn’t sleep. My head kept calling for my pillow but no sleep came. The pain I had flared up and I think that is why I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate today. I finished off the four ribs that was left over from last night and that has been the only sustenance I have eaten. I did drink an Ensure for my breakfast. I just am not hungry today. All I want to do is lie down.

I think this is the longest that I have gone without an appetite. This has been going on for at least two and a half months. I also have not had much to drink. I have been trying to drink some Powerade but have not been successful so far. I wanted a coffee but my choice was Dunkins and that is just a waste of money. I will try and make coffee tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I made coffee at home.

Walking today was painful. I felt like I was walking in mud again. It was raining and cold. I had an umbrella with me but it kept on going from a misty rain to nothing so there was no point in opening the umbrella. I felt like a zombie today. I really feel out of it and I don’t know why. My psych never responded to the email about the side effects. I hope I don’t have them again. They were awful.

I didn’t get my haircut today. I woke up too late. I am going to try to get it tomorrow morning before seeing my father. But it all depends on if I have energy or not. Right now, I can’t trust that I will have energy. Every thing seems so flat to me. I can’t be more descriptive than that.

I am entering my second week of Zoloft. So far it doesn’t seem to be helping any. And I hope the side effects I experienced last night weren’t a drug interaction between the sertraline and the abilify. That will suck. It was another question I asked my psych about but never got a response. Maybe she is looking into it and hasn’t had a chance to get back to me. I still feel like this medication is not helping me but I know I got to give it time. It’s annoying that you have to wait 2-6 weeks for something to help you when you feel so miserable. I still can’t believe I lost another eight pounds in a week. That will make twenty that I have lost since I lost my appetite over two months ago. I just hope I can keep it off.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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