walking in mud continues

Walking in Mud Continues

My father’s prescription was ready so I had to go to his house to settle his meds for the week. I took the bus there and then had to walk from the pharmacy to his house. I took me more than a half hour to walk because my feet felt like lead. I couldn’t walk fast to save my life. It was horrible. I was so exhausted by the time I got to his place. I hadn’t had anything to eat before I went to his apartment. After I missed the bus, I decided to go to dunkin and get a coffee and some donuts. I must have spilled more coffee on me than I actually drank. The lid wasn’t too secure. I now smell like French vanilla. I was going to make coffee at home but I was too sleepy to get out of bed early enough to make it.

My ankle is hurting from the walk. I got it propped up on my bed to try and relieve some of the swelling. I also have taken some pain meds to help deal with the stupid pain. Soon as it calms down some I plan on making something to eat. I think a black bean burger on sourdough bread is on the menu.

I am exhausted and need sleep. Think I will nap and then make the burger. This depression is so hard. I can’t write even 500 word blogs anymore. I am sorry for my new readers. I am not normally like this. I hope it passes quickly because I am not sure how much more I can take. I hate when my writing is affected. It’s my sole means of expressing myself when I am down, other than listening to music or watching a baseball game. But even baseball, my favorite sport of all time, I have no interest in. I try to keep up with the scores and stuff but I just can’t. It’s too much for me right now.

I feel like I am drowning and no one is seeing me. My family hasn’t made any comments about my weight so I doubt they have noticed. But then, they have been preoccupied with Easter and my father all week.

A friend that I met at my last hospitalization is in the ER right now waiting for a bed. Pisses me off that there are no mental health beds available like there are medical beds. She has been in the ER since Thursday. That is just wrong.

any thoughts?

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