Mother’s Day Weekend 2021

Mother’s day weekend 2021

I’ve been having difficulty sleeping. Friday I woke up around 1 and never went back to sleep. I stayed up the whole day and didn’t go or try to go back to sleep till 2300 or so. I still didn’t sleep soundly because my shoulder kept waking me up in pain. I still am tired but can’t seem to sleep. I just want one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Sox won last night and I was happy. My buddy Eddie got the win. He is 5-0 this season so far. I am happy for him. He is my favorite player. I need to get his jersey or t-shirt. I will get it sometime this year.

I still have this bloody UTI that hurts so bad. I am peeing like every two hours, regardless of what I drink. Such a pain. I woke up at 345 then again at 545 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I just had coffee. I am not sure if I am going to go to the pharmacy to get a card for my mother. Just the thought of getting her something fills me with disgust. I hate this holiday more than any other, probably more than my birthday.

I really do not like my mother after the treatment she has given me over the years. She still doesn’t accept me for being trans. And I don’t know if I can ever forgive her for the abuse she put me through when I was younger.

The other day I was having gender dysphoria really bad because my weight has gone up now that I am back to eating. It triggered me so I wrote to my pcp about how much it is bothering me that I have to be a certain BMI to have top surgery and his response was to go to a weight clinic. Not helpful. I don’t need to feel more shame than I already do around my weight thank you. I sent the same message to my therapist so I am sure I will be talking about it tomorrow when I see her. So much stuff to talk about.

Other than therapy, I have no other appointments this week. PT was booked so I get the week off. I still need to do my exercises she gave me. I don’t get off from doing that. My shoulder has been bothering me the past few days for some reason. I have been trying to massage it out but it’s difficult to do with one hand. I can’t seem to reach where it is bothering me. I have gone back to taking Zanaflex to try and ease it a bit.

I finally cleaned the dust off my ceiling fan blades. I was growing bunnies but it was weird that only one side had more dust than the other side. My ankle is hurting from standing on my toes for the few minutes it took to dust. Now my nose is full of dust. I need a nap. I don’t know what time I am supposed to go to my sister’s for dinner. She said she was going to make steak. My brother in law is working out in the yard so I don’t think he will be eating soon so maybe this evening. I’m listening to Taylor and am going to relax for a bit.

any thoughts?

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