Category: depression

My name ain’t Susan

I have been listening to the great Whitney Houston. She is so missed. Such a talented voice. Gone too soon.

I didn’t wake up today despite setting my alarms to go to the lab. I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I am still sleepy and might go back to bed. I got to brush my teeth when I did get up. I had some coffee and some pancakes.

I tried napping but I couldn’t. I made a turkey Brie and cranberry sauce wrap. It was amazing. I have wanted it for so long. I had bought some at the market where I sometimes go shopping in the Square. It took me a while to get the ingredients together. I am glad I got to make it at home when I can have it whenever.

Listening to Whitney’s album stirred up some emotions. Mostly sad ones because she died the way she did. I often wonder if I will die by suicide too. My father’s birthday is this week. He would have been 90. I am glad he isn’t living in the world today. He would not be mask compliant. I miss him though.

Just tired

My blood pressure is still elevated. I am tired. My urinary symptoms haven’t gotten better so I will be going tomorrow to drop off a urine sample. Lab is open from like 8-1 I think. Saves me the hassle of trying to go Mon.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. A lady that was ahead of me was complaining about how long she has been waiting. So ridiculous. A few people were not wearing masks even though there were signs saying to wear one.

I made my shepards pie. It was so good. My niece made the mashed potatoes and it was delicious! It really hit the spot of comfort food, which is what I needed today. I am in such a bad mood. I don’t feel well. I was sleeping soundly and then my mother called me this morning for me to let the repair men come in the house for my sister’s washer machine because she felt dizzy. She always feels dizzy but doesn’t do a damn thing about it. Fucking pisses me off.

Today was a nice day out. I didn’t need a coat or a sweatshirt. I really need to shower but just can’t seem to do it. I haven’t brushed my teeth in days. I am really bad. I don’t care though. All I want to do right now is go to sleep. And I think I am going to do it.

Spring Training has begun!

I am so happy. Today was the first day of Spring Training games. Sox beating the Twins 10-1 last I checked. I saw about an inning of play while making dinner. I thought I bought taco mix and instead it was Caribbean seasoning. Not what I wanted. So I just had plain ground beef with shredded cheese on it. It is what I like anyways. I forgot to buy sour cream.

I was pretty tired today. I had shit sleep again. I woke up every couple of hours. The weird dreams kept waking me up. I didn’t want to get up this morning. I was late in taking my meds. I am still having urinary symptoms. I don’t feel well. I got such a bloody headache. Blood pressure has been high all day the two times I took it. I felt dizzy earlier and it was 150/99. PCP’s RN got back to me about it. Doc wants to put me on a new Beta blocker. I asked if I could go on labetalol as it helps with my anxiety as well. I have been on it before and it works well with minimal side effects.

I got four appointments next week. I have therapy on Mon, TG doc and chronic pain group Tues, and Psychiatrist on Thurs. I am going to be tired. I hope therapy goes better than it did this week. I have stopped texting her during the week as she didn’t like it.

I wanted to read my book today but I never got a chance to. I was hoping to finish reading it by the end of the month. I got to seriously make time to read it. I am trying to have a routine but things end up coming up that wrecks it. Some days I am too tired to read so just lay on my bed instead. I can’t wait till they allow seating at Starbucks again. Maybe I will go out there tomorrow as I really haven’t left the house all week.

Sleepy tired and more tired

Last night I had a difficult night sleeping. I woke up around midnight to pee and found it difficult to get back to sleep. I slept like every two hours, kept waking up from weird dreams. I am still having urinary problems. I did a dipstick and nothing showed up so I don’t have an infection. Guess the urethra is irritated for some reason and is giving me grief. I am going to have one more day of taking the urinary pain meds and then see how I do.

I want to read today but I am so tired, I just want to laydown and sleep. I asked my mother if we can have chicken salad sandwiches for dinner and she agreed. I just wish we had some celery to go with it. I got to find my bag of baby spinach so I can have a salad with the sandwich.

I brushed my teeth finally today. I meant to do it yesterday but never got the energy to do it. I need to get a haircut. I am letting my hair grow out so I just need a trim so my hair isn’t all over the place. I hope to go next week.

I missed the response to my PCP’s RN about my BP. They want me to keep an eye on it for the next week or so and if it is really high, to go to the ED. My BP today was high but lower than it has been. 141/91. My pulse was really high at 116.

Yesterday I closed the stupid window my sister opened all the way and hurt my side while closing it. My side still hurts. It is bringing me down. I don’t have full use of my arm because of the pain. I need to call the shoulder doc so I can get a cortisone shot in my shoulder. I have to check to see if I have his number saved on my phone. I really don’t want the shot but I don’t want to be in pain either.