Category: depression

Been up since 2 am

I had a weird dream about amusement parks and grave yards that woke me up around 2 am last night. I had to pee as it had been almost 6 hours since I last cathed. It woke me up some so it was really hard to get back to sleep. I started writing in my journal around 330. A couple of hours later, I felt tired enough to get back to sleep. I was having urinary pain and irritation so I took the urinary pain tablets. I don’t know if it is just irritation or an infection. I will know in a few days. I already peed my pants today because I waited too long to head to the bathroom. Last night I was constantly going to the bathroom. I thought I had to do a bowel movement three times before I finally went. My stomach felt better afterwards but I am still constipated. I plan on taking some Miralax after my appointments today. I don’t want to leave the house so I am having a virtual PT appointment. I hate doing this but I don’t want to reschedule.

I went to the chronic pain group after PT. I had to pee after PT so I did and cathed and bladder exploded. Urine every where. I learned my lesson. I was upset so then went to group and said I was having a bad day of not sleeping, pain, and bladder issues. Turns out I wasn’t the only one and that felt comforting, least for the lack of sleep and pain part.

I had sent a message to my PCP saying my BP has been high all week. They aren’t concerned about it. So I guess I will just stroke out. I bet you anything the nurse didn’t bring this to the doc’s attention. I am so pissed off as it has been weeks that my blood pressure has been high and nothing has been done about it. We are just waiting for the Holter monitor’s results to make a decision on what to do in the meantime my BP is getting higher, while I am taking an antihypertensive drug.

I am done with PT. She thinks a cortisone shot might be helpful to ease the inflammation in my shoulder. I have been thinking about getting one. I am not a fan of them as I think they do more harm than good, even if it is the one shot people have.

I have to pee again. This will be the third time in the last three hours. I won’t be cathing until the urges to go have settled down some. I don’t want a repeat explosion to happen.  

Letters addressed to the fire

I had therapy today. It went ok. I told her about group. She didn’t have much to say on it. We talked about validation and she was upset with my texting again. I get carried away by the moment. I told her I have been sleeping more. She or the system rather, gave me a questionnaire to fill out before session. It was a depression and alcohol screening thing. I hate them. I didn’t have a chance to discuss the BCBT book with her. I am learning a lot from reading it.

After session, I just stayed in bed. Tomorrow I have my last PT session. I think my PT is sick of me. LOL I have been going to her for five months now. Shoulder is still cranky at times but has been better the last couple of days. It still hurts just not as much and usually only when I move it a “wrong” way. I haven’t been doing my exercises because I have been in bed most of the past few days. I don’t want to do anything. Therapist said to do just a few things each day doesn’t have to be much.

It’s been two weeks today since I turned in the Holter monitor. I hope to get a report sometime this week. I am really tired. I hope I sleep without weird fucking dreams again. Damn things have been waking me up all night. I go back to sleep but I wake up with the WTF was that about feeling.