Category: depression

Sunday blog 06022022

I got up well after noon. I didn’t want to get up. I took my morning meds because I had to pee and then I went back to sleep. I woke up hungry so decided to get up. I had brushed my teeth earlier and was happy about it. I need to take a shower today. I did my med boxes for the week. I am experimenting with not taking senna this week and only taking Miralax.

I did some research on BMI and top surgery and found an article that says weight loss is not necessary for obese patients. I am going to take this to my appointment in April. It was written last year so I hope my surgeon is up to date. I feel relieved about this. I just got to worry about financing the surgery, should it come to that.

I need to take a shower today. I also would like to shave my beard, not clean off just trim it a little. I just need to find the energy for it. I am still tired. I don’t know why because I slept ok. I don’t remember waking up in the middle of the night. I did get up around 0130 to pee but I was able to get back to sleep.

My catheters were delivered today. I got to check to see if I owe a balance or not. My new insurance is tricky and has some weird copay system. Of course, they didn’t explain it in the benefits package they sent when you signed up for it. I just hope the surgeon takes it.

Icy day in Boston

I had groceries delivered this morning but my Gatorade AND Powerade were not delivered as they were “out of stock”. I will receive a credit for it in the next few days. Fucking sucks. I will have to go to the store next week and stock up on it. I am glad I didn’t have the Holter monitor on as my heart rate went up to nearly 190 after coming up the stairs with the groceries. It settled down with rest. I had to make a few trips as it was just me to carry them up the stairs.

I started writing this yesterday but never got to finish it. It is now Saturday. It is still cold as it is 20 degrees outside. It is sunny out so I hope some snow melt but it isn’t likely with a temp of 20. Last night I got hit with some really bad bladder pain and really got my mood low. I didn’t want to do anything and there was nothing really for me to take. A friend suggested ibuprofen so I gave that a try. I was still hurting hours later. I am still hurting today. I have no urge to go so I am on a timer again.

I made coffee this morning but I didn’t drink it all. I had a bowl of cereal. For lunch I had pancakes and a cup of tea. I feel more awake with the tea than I did with the coffee. I also took some Miralax as I haven’t had a BM since Tues. I am stressing out about this because I hate being constipated. I have been passing gas but nothing else is moving.

I was hoping to hear from the Holter monitor people yesterday but I didn’t. I am going to wait until Mon before I contact my pcp’s office to tell them I haven’t heard from them. I still think being on a beta blocker would solve the issues I am having. I just need to convince my pcp to put me on it.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept on having weird dreams. I kept waking up every few hours from the dreams. I feel really tired. I might take a nap soon. I need to find the box that has my little sterile cups in them. I want to test my urine to make sure I don’t have an infection. I bought some chem sticks off Amazon. I was shocked that it was so easy. Sometimes you can’t get medical stuff unless you have a healthcare account. This will save me the trouble of having to go into Boston to get my urine cultured. I won’t go unless the dipstick is positive.

I just had dinner of stuffing and cranberry sauce. I was going to put it in a wrap but I didn’t close the bag right and they all hardened. I just wanted comfort food tonight.

A day of rest and feeling like shit

Yesterday I didn’t do anything. I was still pretty sore from PT. I had a really hard time sleeping. I was up like every hour and just could not get into a good sleep. I was tired for most of the day. I wasn’t in a lot of pain but I just felt shitty. Today is more of the same except I got sleep. My med alarm went off at 7 because I forgot to change the time to 8. I didn’t want to get up. I stayed in bed a couple more hours and then emptied my bladder even though I didn’t have the urge. I then had a cup of coffee. My niece was in the kitchen painting and had taken up nearly half of the kitchen table. We talked as I drank my coffee. She broke the cover of the sugar bowl. Her mother is not going to be happy about it. I can already hear the yelling.

I’ve been craving pizza so I ordered it today. I wanted a coke but the place had pepsi so I got that. When it was delivered, I was delivered a coke. Score. My mother is making broccoli. She is probably going to make pasta with it for supper.

I wanted to go out to get half and half but I placed a grocery order instead. It will be coming tomorrow. I hope that they give me all that I ordered unlike last time. I need Gatorade! Figures tomorrow is supposed to rain. I should reschedule the delivery but I don’t feel like waiting. I will make sure to ice the stairs. Supposed to be cold tomorrow. Boston public schools just announced that they are closed due to the weather. They never closed school when I was going.

I had an idea for my memoir. I think I am going to write about the discrimination about weight for breast surgery. That has been my only trouble in getting surgery is my weight. I need to look into it to get ideas about how to write about it.

Around 2p today I got palpitations and my heart rate went to 112 just with me sitting on my bed reading Twitter. I wasn’t reading anything disturbing but I felt my heart beat. It is ok now but it scared me. I am having rib pain and I sent a message to pcp asking what I should look for if I am having a heart attack. This pain has been going on for the past two hours but I had it before. They said that the pain would be radiating and down arm, neck, shoulder, jaw. I would also have nausea. So that is some stuff to keep an eye on when I am having these stupid episodes.

I got a call from the LGBTQ clinic saying they had an opening in their chronic pain support group. I left them a message to call me tomorrow to set up a time to meet. I was on their waitlist for more than a year. If It pans out, I will send a message to my psychiatrist to tell him. I don’t see him till the end of March due to scheduling. So ridiculous I have to wait an entire month to see him.