Category: depression

another boring day in the life of Midnight demon

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Another boring day in the life of Midnight Demon

I have been in a funk since getting up this morning. I had to go to the bathroom so I did that then had my coffee. As I greeted my mother, fricken post nasal drip caused me to gag. I think I got to start using the Flonase again. I do well without it and then allergies cause the drip to come back despite taking allegra. My sister came up during her break and we talked for a bit before she had to leave. She is working from home and only had fifteen minutes. She said she would be back for lunch. I haven’t even had breakfast yet. I just drank my coffee without eating something. I wasn’t in the mood to eat. I still am not.

Yesterday I sent off some messages to my doctors and they all responded today. My pcp doesn’t think the fatigue I am having is caused by thyroid. He thinks it is because of chronic pain. That really soured my mood. My psychiatrist sent some well wishes and support. I had asked if my uro still wants to study my bladder and she does. Fuck. I was hoping for a no for that. Found out that the doctor I have the same time and day as my TG doc is the resident working with her. I don’t know why they scheduled me with both the resident and attending. That is weird.

I got my meds yesterday. It was cold so I changed into a heavy sweatpants. I was sweating by the time I came home. I had taken a shower and now I need another one. My mother has the heat on and I woke up sweating. I had turned off the fan because it got to be 65 degrees in my room. I like it when the temp is 80 outside not when it is 45.

I reluctantly brushed my teeth and shaved my head today. I don’t know what I am going to do with the top of my head. I need to see the barber but I am broke this month. I might be able to see him if I can finagle it. Need to wait for a couple more checks to clear.

I don’t have any plans for today. I am really tired so I might just nap. I went to bed early last night and still woke up a few times during the night. I hate that I can’t sleep through the night anymore. Then I am wondering why I am tired all the time.

therapy and shoulder pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Therapy and shoulder pain

I was so damn tired today. I only woke up twice during the night. One to pee and the other because of shoulder pain. My med alarm went off and I wanted to throw my phone across the room. I shut it off but didn’t get up until an hour later when I had to pee again. I took my meds and used the bathroom. I was still tired so I just went back to bed. My hip was hurting me from the dampness. I didn’t wake up till almost twenty minutes before my therapy appointment. Yikes!

I quickly made a cup of coffee as I logged on to my laptop. Shoulder pain had calmed down. Therapy started a little early and we talked about dating as I joined a dating app and have been talking to someone. We talk about how great it is but at the same time I am apprehensive about them dealing with the medical side of me. It is very complex and I am on a lot of meds for the different conditions I have. I just am worried they are going to see me (if we meet in person) and I am going to be a turn off because I won’t be what they imagined I would be. I never thought someone would be interested in me because I am so hard with my esteem issues. We also talked about my shoulder issues. I told her the conflict I have with back PT and shoulder PT. I said that I want back PT because if I can’t move there is no way I can do shoulder therapy. She was okay with that then asked if I do the exercises outside of therapy. HA! I do them. But not usually all of them. The PT I have usually gives only three or four exercises rather than like 10 so it is easier to remember and do them but they will be the same exercises I have been doing for the past twenty years.

After therapy, I took a shower and shaved. It was the first time in a week that took one. I have been shaving but not showering. I still have to get my haircut. I am thinking of just getting it down to a three. I just am scared because I might end up shaving my whole head with it that low. I never done that before. I have had my hair really short, like whiffle short before but it has been a while since I have had it that short.

My lower back has been bothering me most of the damn day. Weather sucks. I don’t ever remember a year where we have had so much rain. It is going to be cloudy and rainy all week. I am just glad the temp isn’t colder or we would get snow. That would really suck. I don’t have to go out except to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I hate to go out in rainy weather. I used to love it. I rather have a cloudy day than sunny. My back does not like the rain though.

shoulder pain continues…

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Shoulder pain continues

I woke up four times last night in shoulder pain. I wasn’t exactly waking up every four hours so I couldn’t take pain meds every time I woke up which sucked. I just had to get up and move my shoulder around a bit for it to calm down. I gave up around six and went downstairs to the kitchen to have breakfast. After I ate, I had coffee. By that time my mother woke up and she does the same thing every morning, which is go back and forth around the kitchen table to make her breakfast.

After I finished my coffee, I started dozing off to sleep. I wanted to take a nap but knew if I did, I wasn’t going to make my appointment. I read Twitter for a while. Then got dressed to catch the bus. While I was getting dressed, the doctor’s office called wanting to know why the CT was canceled. I told them it was canceled because I had the MRI. She was saying along the lines that if I didn’t have the CT, the doctor wouldn’t be able to see me. She said she would speak to him and call me back. By the time I finished getting dressed, she called me back to say that I would need an x-ray so I should come early for the appointment. Okay, I already knew this but whatever.

I was seen fairly quickly. There were no changes on the x-ray which was good I guess. The doctor came in and explained what the break was and how the shoulder worked. Then he gave me some exercises to do and a sling to keep my arm immobilized. I am to do the exercises frequently so I don’t know why I have to use the sling but I was grateful for it because it took a ton of pressure off my shoulder. I kept it on the whole ride home and never realized how much I use my left arm. I am to return to the doc’s office in two weeks and then if things are still stable, then I can start PT.

While I was headed to the train station, PT office called for my back. We set up some appointments starting in two weeks. I don’t know how soon the doc wants to start PT but I want my back taken cared of first.