Baseball blues
I don’t know what my problem is but I had the opportunity tonight to go to Fenway and I really did not want to go. I went anyway, hoping when I got there I could get into baseball, but I just couldn’t. By the 4th inning, I really wanted to go home. We stayed till the end of the 6th when Ortiz hit a homerun. It was the first time experiencing that. But I felt nothing. I just wanted to go home. And me being a big sox fan, something is just not right. I knew it was going to cost me, in being in pain over the next few days. Well it started by the time I left the park. By the time I got to my house I was limping. I just couldn’t stand the pain. I have no idea how I made it down the block.
My boys won, 5-2. They needed this win and I am glad they got it. I am glad I got to be a part of it, at least partially. Now comes the dreaded sleep I have been avoiding all day.
I had a nightmare last night. I got about 7 hours of sleep when I woke up at 0230 with a bad, really bad dream about my niece. She was floating in the bathtub like she had drowned. I just stared at her, no reaction as I couldn’t believe my eyes and then she said “breathe” and moved to another part of the bathtub, all the while floating on the water. She was dressed in pajamas, the water was flowing, and I just couldn’t pee (which is why I was in the bathroom to begin with). I woke up, went to the bathroom and that was it. I was up the rest of the morning. I didn’t go back to sleep till around 0500. I had another weird dream but it wasn’t something I can now recall. Something about a plumber or electrician is all that I do remember. I don’t know why I was dreaming this stuff. I had to talk to my therapist about it and she said that really my niece was me and I was the one who wished I was dead. That somewhat helped me but didn’t help getting the image out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see my little one floating in the water. Been like this all day. So, as you can probably tell, I really didn’t want to go to a baseball game with this weighing on my mind. I keep telling myself it was just a dream. It didn’t happen. And besides, the girl who played my niece looked to be like two years old and my niece is 9 and I seriously doubt she would let me in the bathroom to pee, in reality. It is just freaking me out. I am glad I have therapy Monday morning.
My ankle/foot is throbbing like no tomorrow. I really hope I can get some sleep without the weird dreams. But something tells me I will be in pain most of the night so who needs sleep??
midnightdemons7 