Watching my favorite game as I am typing this. I have not been feeling well the past few days. I didn’t sleep well Friday night and was pretty sleepy most of the day. I really tried to stay awake as long as possible but by 6 pm I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I ended up writing three blogs that day/night. I was in pain and kind of pissed off with a report about chronic pain and suicide.
I really need to shower today as it has been almost four days. I just hate showering. I don’t know why that is. I think it is definitely a mental thing. I know that I can stand long enough to shower and dry off but it is just to me an inconvenience. I do wish there was a bathtub in my apartment but there isn’t. I just have a shower stall. I also have not brushed my teeth in the last two days. I am just a mess. I am glad no one gets too close to me. I have not been out since Thursday. I wanted to go out yesterday but I didn’t feel like it with me feeling so tired. Soon as there is a “boring” spot during the game I will take a shower.
This is my off week on birth control pills. I have to be off them for a few days to start the new patch. I am just worried that with this patch, I will take even fewer showers than I do already. I am just afraid that I will wash it away or worse that with the summer coming up, I will sweat it off. I hope that it stays on. The nice thing about this patch is that it is a weekly thing and I don’t have to take a pill anymore. I just have to remember to change the patch.
I hope that being off a week doesn’t cause too much bleeding. I am already annoyed and my skin is irritated by the pads. I hate being a woman so much it is not funny.
There are three top reasons why I want to kill myself: 1) psychache, 2) chronic pain, and 3) not being a man. There is no particular order of why I choice that order but those are the reason and it might mean one day I have more of a reason than the others on a particular bad day.
I had a comment today on my blog that said that he found my blog inspirational. I hope that it is to people. I can’t imagine that what I am writing is all fluff and stuff. I write from the heart and if people can’t get the message from that, then so be it.
I had almost 30 blog readers today. That is high as I usually don’t get that many on a Sunday. I will usually get less than twenty. But lately my numbers have been picking up, especially with my Google searches. I had fifteen the other day that lead them to my blog, from countries around the world. My top viewers are the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. I also get some from Australia and New Zealand. I get excited when I get the European countries and some from the Russia Federation. The nice thing about WordPress is that is keeps the statistics about the countries and when you display all, it is nice to see so many countries lit up. I had a Mexican follower for a few weeks. That was exciting because I have friends from Mexico.
The Indians have scored a home run and my boys are down by 2 runs now. And the Rays are chopping on the Skankees, 4-0. My boys might go into first if they are able to come back in this game.
midnightdemons7 