I got my head in a mess

I got my head in a mess

Today has been a rough day. I hardly got any sleep last night. I went to bed around 0530 or maybe 0630, I don’t remember. I know it was late (or early) enough to take my morning meds so I didn’t have to wake up to my med alarm a few hours later. I woke up about an hour after my med alarm would have gone off, around 1030. I didn’t get up right away other than using the bathroom. I wasn’t in too much pain but it was friggen so damn hot and muggy in the house. An hour later, I decided to get some coffee. I didn’t want to try and go back to sleep. I had a hot cup of coffee because I am running low on my ice coffee. I have about a half a cup left. I had a pop tart with it but I couldn’t finish the second one (there is two in a package). I had to go to the pharmacy to get my meds. Then I figured I would make some breakfast burritos and then maybe change my sheets.

I went to the pharmacy and when I came home, I was soaked with sweat. I had to change my shirt. I had the AC on so I cooled down before deciding what I was going to do next. My mother said she was going to take the bins out of the boxes and break down the boxes. I said ok. After I cooled down, I broke down the box with the bin that was outside my room in the hallway. I had a good time using the box cutter to cutting up the box. I then threw the stuff downstairs. I realized I didn’t have enough cheese to make the burritos so I had to go to the store to get some more. I called the butcher shop and checked the price there. It was a good price. The next bus wasn’t for another half hour so I put all my bags into the bin that was in my room. That cleared up some space. I changed into a tank top and I was going to wear it to go to the butcher shop.

I went to the bus stop and as I was waiting, my nephew drove by and gave me a ride to the Square. I went to Starbucks and got an iced coffee. Then I went to the butcher shop and the little grocery store that was across the street. I didn’t plan on going there but I wanted to check the price of the cheese. It was expensive so I got some roast beef and turkey bacon. I also got some more tortillas as there were only a few left for the burritos.

I came home and there was someone in the bathroom. I so wanted to shower as I was soaked again. The T and the nerve damage is causing me to sweat so damn much. I can’t stand it. I have been trying to drink fluids throughout the day but I am not that thirsty so it is hard. I sort of have to remind myself to. I cooled off for a bit then when I was, I decided I was going to take a shower and then make something to eat. I bought burgers yesterday and made an awesome one with turkey bacon and pickles. I made the same tonight, though I didn’t cook the burger too good. It was really rare. I knew I should have let it cook for a few more minutes but I was hungry. Always happens. It was really good anyway but I couldn’t finish it all.

I just finished the burger and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. I still am buzzed from the coffee so I think I am going to attempt to change my sheets. I don’t think I can take another night sleeping with just a blanket on. I need to put a lidocaine patch on my thigh though. While I was at the deli in the grocery store, the guy there was lazy as he didn’t want to change the labels on the weight things. All three needed to be changed and when he realized this, he took his blessed time trying to find labels and change one weight thing. I must have been standing at the counter for at least 20 minutes while this was happening. When I went to the bus stop and finally sat while waiting, my thigh pain was so damn bad. It flared up again while I was showering. I am not fucking happy about this. My back has been acting up for most of the day while doing shit. Resting has helped but it is still sore. I really want to change my sheets but think I will have my mother put at least two lido patches on my back so I can get things done. Otherwise tomorrow I may not be able to move.

Sox are finally playing tonight. I HATE the All Star break. They were off four fricken days. I missed baseball so much, well Sox baseball. Tonight they are playing the Dodgers, the team we won the World Series to. I feel like tonight will be revenge and I am not looking forward to that. Game is in an hour so if I want to do the last two things of the day, I better sign off now. Till next time.

feeling shocked and in a flare

Feeling shocked and in a flare

I’ve been in pain since 5 this morning. I decided I wasn’t going to go to the pain program. I tried leaving a voicemail for the scheduler but she doesn’t work on Thursdays. So I wrote a message to both people I was seeing today through the gateway thingy. Then when my med alarm went off, I called the office to make sure they got the message.

Around 11 or so, my sister texted me asking if I got results from the MRI. I said I probably would in the afternoon or tomorrow. Around 2 PM I was feeling tired and wanted a nap so sent off a message to my PCP’’s office to see if results were back. I didn’t expect anything and tried to snooze but my damn brain wouldn’t shut off because I was aggravated with the noise from the TV. I turned on the whisperer and tried to relax but that wasn’t happening. Around 3, my PCP’s office called it was the idiot NP I met last week. Guess what? I didn’t have plantar fasciitis! I had a muscle tear. Lovely. I was shocked by the news I forgot to say I told you so and you’re an idiot but just hung up the phone after she told me to call an ankle specialist. I got to get a copy of the MRI and report. I feel so fucking nervous about this. My left foot has been throbbing all day and my right is just hurting because it is bruised. The part that is torn is also hurting me. UGH I hope I don’t need surgery.

It has been hard to stand most of the day. I thought resting would be good. I cleaned out my nightstand drawer because I had shit in there that was making it hard to open and close it. I got rid of a lot of stuff I don’t need, found some memorabilia from the Sox my former therapist gave me as well as her birthday cards over the years. I also found an email from my good friend in South Africa that I kept for sentimental reasons. There were some old stamps in my drawer. At least a half a dozen pens. Some worked and some didn’t. I left them in the drawer. By the time I was done, I had reorganized it so I knew where stuff was and it wasn’t so cluttered. It also opened and shut easily.

I tried clearing my book stacks but my back was telling me no. I got a box for my journals. I should reinforce the seams with tape so the weight doesn’t make it come apart. I threw two journals that were out in the open in it. I think I might throw the books that I have read in it as well as it is a big box. I don’t know. When I am feeling better, I will decide.

I emailed my PT about the muscle tear. She was as shocked as I was. She told me to make sure I find a doc that specializes in the foot and ankle. I have someone in mind though they are out of network. I am not sure what my bill will be afterwards. If I need surgery, I will have to see someone else. I will definitely want a second opinion. I don’t want to see the docs at the Partners hospital I go to. I might see someone outside of Boston. Or maybe a different hospital. I am not sure if I should continue with the pain program or not because I don’t want to worsen the tear. It is going to be awhile before I can get a copy of the MRI. I don’t know how soon I can get to see this doctor I want to see. I am hoping just being in a boot for a few weeks helps, though walking will be very difficult.

I need to shower but I made dinner tonight, which wasn’t in my plans but my mother was tired so. I might do it later. I want to just read my book but so far I haven’t had a chance as I just been on social media. I really need to set a timer or something to stop playing on my phone. While I was cleaning out my drawer, I found some thumb drives. There some work files as well as some other stuff. I found some old pictures of my nieces and nephew with my father. Brought up some memories of him. I do miss him.

Red Sox and other boring stuff

Red Sox and other boring stuff

The Red Sox won the game on Sunday night. The game got over some time before 1145 pm and I was so excited and thrilled. It was so awesome. But the excitement gave me pain. I have no idea what happened but my malleolus felt like it was bring ripped out and I couldn’t sleep all night. I think I finally went to sleep around 5 ish. Then my med alarm woke me up so I took my meds. I had a dentist appointment in the morning and they called around 11 when I woke up next. They wanted to know if I could come in early. I said sure. I will get dressed and be there soon. They didn’t take me till 1130, my original appointment time so I don’t know why they called. I found it annoying. I didn’t have cavities, which was good.

I caught the bus that lead me to another bus to the square. I wasn’t hungry so I just got some espresso and some small scones. I really haven’t had much of an appetite the past few days. I got to the station and when I got off, I crossed the street. It must not have been level because I fell down on my right side. I didn’t hurt myself but I am really sore. My jeans got dirty and sort of wet as it had been raining on and off most of the day. I took the bus to my therapist’s office and decided I was going to take an Uber home. I wasn’t going to take the T home. I had enough and just wanted to be home as quick as possible. Except that I had to go to the pharmacy to get my mother’s prescription. I had to wait as it wasn’t ready yet. I was mad at this because my mother usually calls it in in the morning. It was now nearly 4 pm. Like what the fuck. I waited and bought a sharps container for my needles.

I got home but wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to sleep and I did. I woke up a few hours later and decided to have some tea. I took my night meds and then had some tea. It didn’t keep me awake. I fell asleep no sooner than 5 minutes after I finished it. I was just so tired. I don’t know if it is the testosterone that is making me feel so tired or what. I am going to try and sleep at normal times the next week or so and see if there is a change. It might just be the excitement of the games and stuff that is making me feel tired throughout the day.

I woke up around 5 in severe pain. My foot was killing me. So much for starting the day right. It didn’t settle down for another hour or so when meds kicked in. I decided to take my meds then and shut the alarm off so I could sleep. I still wasn’t hungry when I woke up. I had some cookies with some tea. I think I went back to sleep. I don’t remember. I know I had to take a shower. A friend texted me as she wanted me to do something for her. I said sure and she said she will email the details to me.

I have my MRI for my right foot tonight. My sister will be taking me and I am glad. I am just wearing my PJs. I don’t think I will wear my brace. Just sneakers. I think I have one in my room and the other downstairs. I really don’t feel like wearing my brace. I hope it does and doesn’t turn out okay. I just want to know why I keep getting the golf ball swelling on my foot. I am really sore on my right side where I fell. There are no visible bruises but it hurts.

My therapist won’t be in tomorrow so I plan on voting early. I just got to figure out how to get there. I wish I could walk up the streets but nope. I probably will have to go to the Square and then catch one of two buses to where I have to go. Long as I get my espresso, that is all I will need.