Sox win game 3
Another nail biter. My favorite (okay one of my favorites) hit a grand salami that sent Houston fans to the exits. Sox won 8-2. A grand salami is a grand slam which is when the bases are loaded and the batter hits a home run scoring 4 runs (those on the bases and himself). I love this game. It was hit by Jackie Bradley Jr. who has struggled at bat more times than I can count but has come up big when he is hot, and he has been. I always say “take that haters” because a lot of fans and others didn’t want him on the team, especially when they were looking for good hitters but he is an invaluable center fielder and saved more runs than anyone I know. He is an all around good guy and I hate the hate people give him because he isn’t a power hitter.
My foot has been hurting me throughout the game. I went out today. I gave my barbers some of the pumpkin cake I made. Then I did some shopping. I meant to buy burgers but forgot! I also forgot my food stamp card so I had to pay for my food. UGH I didn’t want to do that. I bought most of the ingredients I needed for at least two recipes. Now I just need time to make it, which most likely will be Saturday. I also will be placing my grocery order Friday. I knocked some stuff off as it was approaching almost $200. I went nuts buying stuff. I hate being on my phone when I can’t sleep because I go mad on the shopping carts. But I don’t buy them. They just stay in the cart until I have a clearer head. Not so much with Amazon. I bought two albums last night. I think it was two. No it was one album and a book by Neil Gaiman. I almost went nuts with books by Neil but I restrained myself. I don’t know how, but I did. I still want to buy David Nail’s new album. I might buy that tonight to listen to. Last night I bought Tim and Faith’s album. I can’t believe it came out but there was nothing about it coming out. UGH. I follow Tim and Faith on social media but it might be that there wasn’t a big review on it or something and it got buried with all the shit the Orange buffoon does. I muted a lot of political shit I was following because it was just stressing me out. I tweeted to vote blue and some guy asked why. I wanted to ask him has he been awake the last 18 months or so? Like seriously. UGH people are trolls. If he was not from the states I can understand but most that ask stupid questions often are trolls and I’ve learned, as hard as it is, not to respond. They go away and you don’t ever hear from them again.
I put ice on my right foot because it was bothering me. I accidently put it up against my left to hold the pack there and when I realized that wasn’t smart, I put a shirt in between my feet. UGH. I got my new therapist appointment tomorrow. I am kind of nervous about it. I hope it isn’t for nothing but when I think of the hassle of getting there weekly, I kind of hope that it doesn’t work out. If he is a good guy and he is willing to help me with real shit not just listening to me, then I can deal and it will be worth the hassle. If it does, I’ve decided to just email my therapist I see now and end things. I don’t think he will care either way. I missed three appointments with him and he hasn’t asked why or how I am doing or anything so fuck him for me coming in and saying we are done. No point in paying him for another session.
I have shot 2 tomorrow. I might write two posts tomorrow. One will be about my transition and the other just my general daily post. I might combine them. I don’t know yet. Maybe not as I want to write about how the appointment with the therapist went and the transition one. I have everything set for tomorrow. I know there is enough for three shots but probably not 4. I got to get one of the biohazard things for the needles. They sell them at Walgreens for like $7.50. I have no idea the cost to send them to dispose of them.
I haven’t seen my roommate. I think I am going to get the stuff on Amazon as I don’t think Walgreens sells the stuff I need. I will get the peanut butter from the grocery store. They love peanut butter. Damn rascals ate my powerbars that had peanut butter in it the last time we had mice. I know he is still in my room because I hear him. Things are moving and rustling.
I got a text from my mail order prescription. I sent them an email saying I didn’t get one of my blood pressure pills. I looked every where for it and couldn’t find it. I sent the damn thing and then fucking found the bottle under some bags on my bed. Fucker. So they are sending me more pills. Lovely. I am stocked for 180 days. Whoohoo. Ugh. I tried to stop it but it has already been shipped out. That will save me when I have to pay for my meds again in January. I am glad I called because the number I had was wrong. It was some federal number. Weird. My insurance is going to go up next year. I have no idea how much. Last year it was $26. But I need it for my prescriptions and dental. I need to make an appointment for my dentist. One tooth is bothering me. I am sure it is the one that the dentist didn’t want to drill. He just gave me a toothpaste to use at night but he doesn’t understand chronic pain life. He is lucky I brush my teeth once a day. It is very rare I brush twice a day. But I take my meds with Powerade so I don’t gag. I can’t take it with water. I have tried. The pills melt faster and if I can’t swallow in one go, forget it. I am throwing them up. So Powerade it is. I know it probably isn’t the best choice but it works for me. Also water in the morning makes me sick. I can have it any other time of day but cannot take it until after I have woken up and eaten or drank something like coffee. I bought two things of coffee today. Pike and Guatemala. I haven’t tried the Guatemala one so no idea if I will like it. It is medium roast, which is what I like. I will try it Thursday.
28 Aug 18
My cell phone provider has been calling me all week. I finally answered the phone and they wanted me to upgrade. I told them to take me off their list as I will upgrade when I want not when you tell me to! Idiots.
I had PT today. My leg cramped up because of being weak. Then we worked on my thigh. We basically just massaged it with lotion, which I didn’t use last night when it was hurting the fuck out of me. It was hurting me today but walking around made it feel better so I didn’t care. I have no idea if massage is the only treatment for it or not. I wasn’t clear on what else can be done for it. She explained why it was hurting but it was kind of over my head. Something about the muscle being in a short position when I am on the computer or just resting in my bed. Doesn’t help with getting rid of the pain!! I still have to wear the stupid fucking air cast. I hate that thing. My AFO I had to remove on the way home. It just got really hot and my foot was burning so damn bad. I changed to my new sneakers and not sure if the plastic is getting hot from the heat or what. I got to call the brace clinic to find out what to do as this is not good. I would love to go without but am afraid that if my ankle goes out on me, I will be dragging my foot and that will be worse. My PT wants me to carry the cane with me just to have some support. I told her about how yesterday people were just stupid! I wanted to carry it just to hit people on the head. But she said just carry it in the bag. UGH ok. I need a bigger bag for all the things I need to carry. My messenger bag that I paid good money for is small for my needs. I am on the fence to go back to a backpack.
It was really hot today. I wanted to shower when I got home but lost the energy for it. I am too tired. I will tomorrow. I canceled therapy. My therapist sent me an email for that and for Monday as it is a holiday. I won’t see him until next week. By then things should be settling down some. I still have to work out the 2nd week in Sept as I have a lot of stuff going on. I might cancel that Wed so I have a rest day. I can’t do anything about seeing my PCP that Thursday as it will be a bitch to reschedule. Then wedding and concert. Yay! Not. I am still nervous about it.
My PT was telling me that she wasn’t surprised I flare every Monday as I am going through emotional stuff in therapy and then getting there and home takes a lot of energy. CRPS is a nervous system thing and so is the emotional stuff. So what ever I can do on the downtime on the ride home will help me. I usually listen to music but I can’t deal with the idiots that get in my way or the bumpy bus ride.
Tonight I am going to try and not pay attention to the game. They are playing the Marlins, interleague. I don’t like interleague games. I think it is stupid. But whatever. I don’t have a say in the schedule. The September schedule looks to be a bitch as we play tough teams, except the Mets but even easy teams we seem to lose so I can’t count them as an automatic win. We still are six games ahead of the snakes, who lost yesterday so that helped. Our last three games of the season is with NY. I have a feeling it is going to be a division thing but we’ll see. Just nerve racking but I am not going to think about it tonight. I am just going to listen to country music and maybe read Poe Shadow. Hope my pain doesn’t get worse. I usually know by 2100 if it will and it is not close to that time yet. Hate my life so much.
Diagnosis, pain, and other things on 23 Aug 18
I saw my neuro today. I have been seeing her for over 10 years. She called me by my birth name and I had to correct her. She said she didn’t notice it before I said something. I said you’ve known me for a long time and it was after I last saw you, so I am not surprised. She thinks the balance issues I have been having is because of CRPS and my ankle instability at the moment as I have a sprained ankle. She said she would email my PT to tell her “more exercises” in my right leg as I need to strengthen it to support me. We also talked about the thigh pain and she thinks it maybe a tightening up muscle. Also need PT for that as I can’t bend my leg behind me and pull my ankle toward my body. I haven’t been able to do that since my CES and now will be impossible as I can’t touch my ankle. I had horrible sensation pains last night that I had to keep my foot uncovered. I don’t think I fell asleep until after 0100.
Walking to the hospital was okay but set off my allergies as the pollen count is high. I also had to walk around while in the hospital because the café I usually go to was closed. I had to go to the main one which I had never been to before. I then kind of got lost going back to where my neuro was as I couldn’t find signs for the building. I was so annoyed. I get to the office and as I am taking my seat in the waiting room, my foot does the inward turn because it was fatigued as I wasn’t wearing my brace. I still had to go home so this was not fucking good. I talked about that with the doc as well and she just wanted PT. I have no new neuro stuff going on, which is good as I was thinking the worse and almost had a breakdown in the waiting room because of the turn. Walking back to the train station, I was wheezing bad and didn’t have my inhaler. I calmed down a bit but soon as I got home, I took my mother’s inhaler because I my ankle (CRPS) acted up big time. I foolishly side kicked the front door to shut it and my foot didn’t like the extension.
I bought pizza for dinner on the way home. My mother complained about it like she always does. Too thick. Too salty. Blah blah blah. After I ate, I went upstairs. I thought it was hot in my room so I had turned on the AC so it was fricken freezing in my room. I turned that off and the ceiling fan. I stood in the dark for a few minutes because I forgot the light was on. Shut off the power and both goes out. I so wish they were separate and I had a remote for them. Anyways, I am on my phone and I get an email saying I have a message on the patient web thingy that my doctors use. I check it and it was a message saying that I had a new visit note from my doctor. I scroll through it and nothing interesting pops up until I get to the diagnosis section. My neuro added that I have CRPS type 1 in left lower leg. HOLY SHIT I LOVE HER!! Finally, it is in my damn record I have CRPS!! No more denying that I just have chronic pain or chronic ankle pain. Maybe now the other idiots I see will READ and know this. I am so sick of them looking at my ankle and them saying I just have pain. It is more than that. So much more. I couldn’t have my sheet on my foot last night. It felt like it was burning me. That is how CRPS is.
I am in a lot of pain now and probably will be until I sleep. Sox had a day game so I won’t be up late, I hope. I had some orange spice tea as I am writing this. I am trying to wind down so I can sleep. Sox won their 90th game of the season. No one else in the MLB even has 80 wins! And to have it before September is so fricken awesome. There are roughly 30 games left in the season. If we can win 20 or more of those, I will be so happy as the Sox have not won more than 100 games in my lifetime.
Another disappointing season
Sox just lost their final game of the season. I am disappointed and frustrated. I am also depressed that I won’t be hearing about the Sox until February when pitchers and catchers report. Just another year of frustration.
I woke up around 4 in pain. In addition to physical pain, I had nerve pain. I took a dose of Neurontin with my pain meds and then tried to go back to sleep. I did and didn’t wake up till after 1300. I wasn’t in too much pain but I took my pain meds anyway as it was getting close to the 12 hour mark and I didn’t want to go through withdrawal.
Now that the ball game is over, I plan on taking a shower. I will be going to the courthouse in the morning and I don’t want to take it as I might not wake up in time. I have my alarms set for the week. I like that I can choose a day to set an alarm rather than picking a day of the week. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep as I am pretty nervous. If I wake up before 6, I am just going to stay up as I know if I go back to sleep, it’s going to be hard to wake up when my alarm goes off.
I made coffee and something to eat today. My pain is not too bad right now, but that could change after I shower. I have been trying to take it easy today to not cause a flare. I’d really hate to miss the courthouse and have to wait another time to change my name. I have waited so long for this to happen. I don’t know how quick it will be.
I’m kind of stressing over this week because I have appts every day. I think I am going to cancel the PT appt for Wed and then just go Friday. I need to make the appt for Thursday with the neuro. I have waited much too long for that and I don’t want a flare to keep me up all night.