Long PT session and other things
I woke up with my arm very sore. I don’t know what I do in my sleep that makes it angry. I had my coffee and my biscuits. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist that I had to be at my PT place for because the times were close together. We talked on the phone because zoom was not a good connection. He agreed to give me the 90 day Latuda and refilled my Ativan script. He thinks my frozen episodes are anxiety related and wants me to try and take an Ativan before it happens or when I feel it coming on. I am glad it is not a medication issue.
PT was not so great. My arm is more sore after seeing her. We went to do the stick exercises and my bicep muscles flipped out. I hurt so much. I thought I was going to cry. The muscles are so tight and sore. I got to put more heat on them. I am to lay off the exercises for tomorrow but to do them half step the following day. The PT said it could take up to four months before I am better. Fuck. I am two months into this so hopefully I am halfway there. The ortho was vague in his notes about how to proceed. I see the shoulder guy next month. Maybe I will get better answers from him. I never broke a bone before so I have no idea what time it takes to heal. I know that lifting my 5lb weights are off limits right now. I will only aggravate the muscles more than they are irritated.
My psychiatrist said that a secretary will be calling to book our next appointment. That if I don’t hear from them in a few weeks to send him a message. I asked if it will be in person and he said no. His department is still virtual due to the new threats. So weird because I will be seeing my therapist tomorrow. I told my PT I was seeing her and she asked how long has it been. I said more than a year and a half. I have my outfit all picked out. I am going to wear my new cardigan with my jeans. I haven’t decided if I am going to wear my khaki colored jeans or blue ones. I will decide tomorrow.
My mother had supper for me when I came home from PT. I had just planned on making a frozen dinner. I had hot dogs and potatoes with an artichoke. It was good. There was also chicken cutlets so I had one. Now I am going to color a dinosaur and post it to Twitter.
Another hot pre-summer day
Another hot day in Boston. I cannot stand it. I am in a grumpy mood. I don’t know if I am going to go to PT tonight. I should go because I haven’t left the house all week and I need to get my prescription. I was able to shower but now am exhausted. My leg is killing me from where I injected the T. I seem to have flared up my whole leg. Doesn’t bode well for walking to my appointment and doing physical therapy. I will see how I am around 2pm and if I am in still in pain, I will cancel.
I woke up in the middle of the night because of pain. My shoulder flared up on me and it took a while to settle down. I sent my therapist a message asking if she was going to leave any time soon. The way she was saying she didn’t have time for me made me wonder if she was going somewhere. She sent me this long message back about how her time is split between two clinics and also reiterated that I would benefit from a group in addition to therapy. I wrote back that I don’t think groups fit for me and right now with my upcoming surgery I don’t think entering a group would be ideal.
Just had my second coffee of the day. I found that if I have a second cup I can usually ward off a daytime nap. It usually wears off around 1730 though and I get super tired. My sister is going to give me a ride to my appointment so I don’t have to take the T first leg of the trip. I really don’t like late appointments but it was the only time she could fit me in. Next week I am not seeing her and if I skip today that will be three weeks I haven’t seen her.
I just changed my shirt and put deodorant on, something I always forget to do when I go out. I am so used to not going out that I forget when I do go out to wear it. I know I will be needing another shower when I come home from PT. I should cancel because I am in so much pain but I really need to go. I messaged the PT to tell her to go easy on me. She agreed. She is a good therapist. I call her the poking therapist because she always seems to poke to get to the spot that is knotted. She did a good job on my calf. It doesn’t seem so tight anymore. It was twitching after I took a shower. I love taking showers but also hate them because they make me exhausted. I usually take just one a week but in this heat I need to take more. It is supposed to cool off tomorrow. I want to go grocery shopping. I want to make lemon chicken. My sister made it a few weeks ago and I loved it. Been craving it since then with some white rice. I also plan on making zucchini like my niece made. It was really good.
3500 blog post
This is my 3500th blog post. I have been blogging since 2012, the year I got disabled. It was a tough year and I was depressed and suicidal most of the time. I had a lot of time on my hands and so I think writing about how I was feeling helped to get stuff out of my head. This blog has been a lifesaver for me. I don’t know what I would do without it.
Yesterday was a really challenging day. I had therapy in the morning. It was stressful. We talked about things that were hard to talk about. She is good at keeping me on point rather than going off on a tangent. I told her I would work on self-care and brushing my teeth/showering. I have been bad at doing these things. I don’t like brushing my teeth but I know it has to happen. I have been showering at least once a week but sometimes I can go 10 days without a shower. I need to work on clearing my bed for the week as I have nothing scheduled the rest of the week. It would be good to change my sheets.
After therapy, I had an hour before I had to leave to get my 2nd vaccine shot. I took public transportation to the hospital and back. I was seen really quickly at the vaccine clinic. I was in and out in twenty minutes. I then went to the square and got a caramel macchiato. I had a half hour before the bus was to come so I just sat on a bench and drank it. It was peaceful at the station. Not too many people were there. I was already feeling pretty tired. I brought a Powerade bottle with me to drink so I would stay hydrated. PT was torture. She had me do one of the machine and within a minute or two, my CRPS ankle flared up. I went as slow as I could possibly go. I didn’t care. I was exhausted and just wanted my bed. Afterwards she worked on my legs to get the knots out. She accidently put too much pressure on my nerve injured thigh and I screamed in pain. She avoided the area the rest of the session. My legs felt better but I got up too quick and got dizzy. She had me drink some water and rest. I then realized I had not eaten all day. I ordered Kung Pao chicken on the way home from PT. It was so good. I really love this dish.
Today I have been tired because I was up in the middle of the night again. I woke up at 1 to pee and had trouble getting back to sleep. It could be a side effect of the vaccine as well but I am going for my long day yesterday and being up in the middle of the night as a reason why I am so exhausted today.
I don’t know if I will listen to the entire game but I am going to listen to the first couple of innings. They are facing the Braves, which has been on a hot streak. We have been on a losing streak so will be fun to see what happens. I love baseball so much. I am keeping track of games lost/won again on Twitter. Right now their record is 29-19 and we are in first place.
I got a craving for donuts so I ordered them. Now I am happy because I haven’t had donuts in more than a year since the pandemic started. I am going to try and take my night meds around 7 but it might be earlier. I am just so damn tired but if I go to bed now, I most certainly will wake up before midnight and be up all night.
Don’t you is a new song on Fearless Taylor version. It is my new favorite song. I have been listening to it since I left PT an hour ago. I have had a long day and I know I usually set a 500 word limit for myself but today has been a fucking day. I started the day with an appointment with urology. I have been given strict orders on how long between voids. I usually have 6 hours but they want it to be 4 especially if I have been drinking a lot and can’t go. Which means that if I can’t go on my own, I have to cath. I’ve also been given a hat to measure my urine. If I am going between the 4-6 hours and have a lot of urine >300mLs, I need to go more frequently. This is to prevent my bladder from stretching. Which means putting myself on a fricken timer for bladder reminders. Fuck. I thought I was done with this shit. Things were going so fucking well and now they suck. I really don’t want to be thinking of bladder function all the damn time. This just really sucks.
I came home and was dizzy. I had bought a Gatorade while waiting for the bus and drank that. I was going to wait to order food but as I was dizzy I thought I should eat something so I ordered a big mac. It’s all I’ve eaten today and probably will be. I just came home from PT and feel more dizzy than I did this afternoon so I am just going to drink Gatorade and rest. My blood pressure is normal so that is good. I know I am probably dehydrated because I haven’t been drinking throughout the day. I also been sweating a lot so that just adds to my exhaustion. I really hope that I can get up tomorrow morning for my vaccine appointment.
PT has gone well. My shoulder is much better than it was four months ago. Today was my last session for it. Next week I start the covid deconditioning program at the PT place. I already know it is going to take a lot out of me. I was working on one the machines today and did five minutes, twenty-two seconds and I was perspiring and exhausted from it. It is one of the machine the PT said I would be using so yay. She was testing my shoulder to see how I would do.
I am completely exhausted. But I wanted to write a blog because it has been days since I last wrote. I am going to watch China Beach and rest the rest of the day before med time.