Long PT session and other things
I woke up with my arm very sore. I don’t know what I do in my sleep that makes it angry. I had my coffee and my biscuits. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist that I had to be at my PT place for because the times were close together. We talked on the phone because zoom was not a good connection. He agreed to give me the 90 day Latuda and refilled my Ativan script. He thinks my frozen episodes are anxiety related and wants me to try and take an Ativan before it happens or when I feel it coming on. I am glad it is not a medication issue.
PT was not so great. My arm is more sore after seeing her. We went to do the stick exercises and my bicep muscles flipped out. I hurt so much. I thought I was going to cry. The muscles are so tight and sore. I got to put more heat on them. I am to lay off the exercises for tomorrow but to do them half step the following day. The PT said it could take up to four months before I am better. Fuck. I am two months into this so hopefully I am halfway there. The ortho was vague in his notes about how to proceed. I see the shoulder guy next month. Maybe I will get better answers from him. I never broke a bone before so I have no idea what time it takes to heal. I know that lifting my 5lb weights are off limits right now. I will only aggravate the muscles more than they are irritated.
My psychiatrist said that a secretary will be calling to book our next appointment. That if I don’t hear from them in a few weeks to send him a message. I asked if it will be in person and he said no. His department is still virtual due to the new threats. So weird because I will be seeing my therapist tomorrow. I told my PT I was seeing her and she asked how long has it been. I said more than a year and a half. I have my outfit all picked out. I am going to wear my new cardigan with my jeans. I haven’t decided if I am going to wear my khaki colored jeans or blue ones. I will decide tomorrow.
My mother had supper for me when I came home from PT. I had just planned on making a frozen dinner. I had hot dogs and potatoes with an artichoke. It was good. There was also chicken cutlets so I had one. Now I am going to color a dinosaur and post it to Twitter.
Another hot pre-summer day
Another hot day in Boston. I cannot stand it. I am in a grumpy mood. I don’t know if I am going to go to PT tonight. I should go because I haven’t left the house all week and I need to get my prescription. I was able to shower but now am exhausted. My leg is killing me from where I injected the T. I seem to have flared up my whole leg. Doesn’t bode well for walking to my appointment and doing physical therapy. I will see how I am around 2pm and if I am in still in pain, I will cancel.
I woke up in the middle of the night because of pain. My shoulder flared up on me and it took a while to settle down. I sent my therapist a message asking if she was going to leave any time soon. The way she was saying she didn’t have time for me made me wonder if she was going somewhere. She sent me this long message back about how her time is split between two clinics and also reiterated that I would benefit from a group in addition to therapy. I wrote back that I don’t think groups fit for me and right now with my upcoming surgery I don’t think entering a group would be ideal.
Just had my second coffee of the day. I found that if I have a second cup I can usually ward off a daytime nap. It usually wears off around 1730 though and I get super tired. My sister is going to give me a ride to my appointment so I don’t have to take the T first leg of the trip. I really don’t like late appointments but it was the only time she could fit me in. Next week I am not seeing her and if I skip today that will be three weeks I haven’t seen her.
I just changed my shirt and put deodorant on, something I always forget to do when I go out. I am so used to not going out that I forget when I do go out to wear it. I know I will be needing another shower when I come home from PT. I should cancel because I am in so much pain but I really need to go. I messaged the PT to tell her to go easy on me. She agreed. She is a good therapist. I call her the poking therapist because she always seems to poke to get to the spot that is knotted. She did a good job on my calf. It doesn’t seem so tight anymore. It was twitching after I took a shower. I love taking showers but also hate them because they make me exhausted. I usually take just one a week but in this heat I need to take more. It is supposed to cool off tomorrow. I want to go grocery shopping. I want to make lemon chicken. My sister made it a few weeks ago and I loved it. Been craving it since then with some white rice. I also plan on making zucchini like my niece made. It was really good.
Don’t you is a new song on Fearless Taylor version. It is my new favorite song. I have been listening to it since I left PT an hour ago. I have had a long day and I know I usually set a 500 word limit for myself but today has been a fucking day. I started the day with an appointment with urology. I have been given strict orders on how long between voids. I usually have 6 hours but they want it to be 4 especially if I have been drinking a lot and can’t go. Which means that if I can’t go on my own, I have to cath. I’ve also been given a hat to measure my urine. If I am going between the 4-6 hours and have a lot of urine >300mLs, I need to go more frequently. This is to prevent my bladder from stretching. Which means putting myself on a fricken timer for bladder reminders. Fuck. I thought I was done with this shit. Things were going so fucking well and now they suck. I really don’t want to be thinking of bladder function all the damn time. This just really sucks.
I came home and was dizzy. I had bought a Gatorade while waiting for the bus and drank that. I was going to wait to order food but as I was dizzy I thought I should eat something so I ordered a big mac. It’s all I’ve eaten today and probably will be. I just came home from PT and feel more dizzy than I did this afternoon so I am just going to drink Gatorade and rest. My blood pressure is normal so that is good. I know I am probably dehydrated because I haven’t been drinking throughout the day. I also been sweating a lot so that just adds to my exhaustion. I really hope that I can get up tomorrow morning for my vaccine appointment.
PT has gone well. My shoulder is much better than it was four months ago. Today was my last session for it. Next week I start the covid deconditioning program at the PT place. I already know it is going to take a lot out of me. I was working on one the machines today and did five minutes, twenty-two seconds and I was perspiring and exhausted from it. It is one of the machine the PT said I would be using so yay. She was testing my shoulder to see how I would do.
I am completely exhausted. But I wanted to write a blog because it has been days since I last wrote. I am going to watch China Beach and rest the rest of the day before med time.
Lame title I know but I couldn’t come up with something else. I just had my coffee so feel energized to write. I had flashbacks last night and it was pretty terrifying. I tried reaching out to my therapist but she hasn’t responded. I don’t think she will. I hate when I am in a tough spot and she can’t respond to what I am saying. I feel so alone when she does this. But I understand that texting isn’t always the way to go in a crisis. A friend suggested a hotline but I didn’t have the patience to talk to someone about what I am going through. I wasn’t suicidal.
My neck and shoulders are stiff today. I am trying to keep them moving so they loosen up. I got the tingling sensation again in my shoulder where I was dry needled. It is really sore there to touch. I am going to put some ice and then heat on it after I blog.
I am worried about my mother. Her kidneys aren’t functioning like they should. She is 79 years old and has been an insulin user for more than 40 years. I just hope she doesn’t need dialysis eventually. That will be so hard. She recently has been having some trouble sleeping where she wakes up gasping for air. We think she has sleep apnea. She is still recovering from Covid. The disease really sucks as she can be ok for a day and the next be weak and lifeless. I really feel bad for her. I wish there was something more I could do than listen to her bitch about how sick she is, which she has every right to. She sometimes cries and it breaks my heart.
I need to shower today. I am going to try and clear off my bed too. I just need to get organized a little bit. I think taking a shower will wake me up enough to clear my bed. If I can do that, changing the sheets will be an easier task. I still need to go to the butcher’s shop for burgers. I just hope I still have the sandwich pickles that I love. Last time they didn’t have it so I had to get the chips.
My legs feel so sore and I don’t know why. I am having throbbing in my ankle which is my normal. I never have 100% pain relief despite being on pain meds. Most I will get is 80-95% relief from meds. Then I take the breakthrough meds to help get over the hump. Last night I took gaba because I was getting nerve pain in my ankle and foot. Being triggered last night didn’t help my pain one bit. I got really tense in my neck and that just worsened my neck pain. I just killed my shoulder by trying to message it with the palm massager thing I have. I am really hurting now. I just messaged the PT because I am still tingling and she said it would go away by today. I just want to make sure there is no nerve damage going on or something. I got to put heat on it. I am really hurting today with this. Just hope I can go out and do my shopping that I want to do.
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