Rambling 43

Been trying to get some writing in the past half hour but I have been procrastinating by going on twitter, Facebook, listening to the radio, etc. I haven’t written a blog in over a day. I know I posted yesterday but I wrote that the day before. I don’t know why writing can come so easy sometimes and harder at other times.

I have to pick up my niece in about a half hour. I sometimes get overwhelmed with her because I don’t know what to do with her. We usually watch a movie or TV together. But then she gets hungry and all I really know how to make is scrambled eggs. Lame I know. I know she will be hungry so maybe I will order a pizza or something. I have been looking forward to pizza from Papa Johns the last few weeks. It costs a little more than the local pizzeria but to me it tastes a little better. Plus, I have been looking for a way to reward myself since writing the difficult blog over the weekend. I sent it to my therapist as I couldn’t even read it to her the other day, that’s how difficult it was.

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I am laying out my cards to tell her everything that I have been thinking about the past few months. I know I have placed the date off for now but that doesn’t mean that something won’t happen between now and then to change my mind. My friend in Chicago finally read my message to him about my planning and he says that I can’t kill myself. He asked what he can do to help me but there is nothing he can do, other than to be there when I need him to be. I know he will follow through. He is one of my best friends. We have been friends for over fifteen years so I know he isn’t going anywhere.

I got mentioned in a Facebook status today. Normally it is for something silly but this time it was for being who I was. This person that I met only through the mutual game we play, mentioned me as being an interesting person and wanting to keep me on as a friend as she was deleting her friends because she no longer can keep up with this game. I feel honored by this post. It made me feel really good that someone who barely knows me thinks of me as interesting and wants to keep me on as a friend. I know she reads my blog, so I thank you.

Today I was disappointed in one of my apps, InTune Radio on my phone. I was so pissed that I turned into my favorite radio station and all I got was commercials for the first few minutes. Then half way through my favorite song, the damn thing goes awry with buffering and I lose it! I get buffered back in only to lose signal on the way home with another song! I tried shutting the damn thing off but it wouldn’t so I had to manually turn the app off. I went back to listening my mp3 app. So much for listening to the radio. Thank goodness I don’t pay extra for that data that I lost or was attempting to get. My phone then acted up with losing signal. I tried updating my twitter and couldn’t get a damn signal. I said the hell with 4G and went back to 3G. I haven’t had a problem with my phone since switching. So weird. I know I am not a technical savvy person to comment but shouldn’t 4G be better than 3G?? Either that or my phone is crapping out because it needs to be upgraded. But the phone is only a year old so why bother. It does what I want it to do and since I removed the Go Locker app, it has been working fine. It doesn’t freeze up like it did. I liked that it had a Stargate screen but it’s not worth my phone freezing up.

My mood has been back to its baseline the last few days. I am back to being depressed. I knew the ups were not going to last too long. They never do.