good day turned bad

I was pretty excited this morning and energetic for the first time in I don’t know how long. But pain kept me from doing all that I set out to do today. I really got depressed and cried for almost an hour because I had plans to go to a movie with a friend and had to cancel on him. This is the second week that I had to do this to him because my pain levels were high. I wanted to make cupcakes today and that was a flop because after I went to the store to get the ingredients and supplies, I was just in too much pain to stand, let alone do much else. My sister had a BBQ today so I tried to attend that and just sit and rest but sitting caused me more pain. And it was hot and muggy today. Even though my sister had the AC on my fricken stupid aunt got “cold” and made me turn it off. I got so pissed off as I can’t stand the heat. This condition (CES) has left me so heat intolerant it literally boils my blood and my temper. I had to go back to the confines of my room where I have been for the past several hours. I had to stand for a few minutes to take my night time meds and now I am in wicked bad pain again. I feel like such a loser because things were going so well and now I am hurting and am a sobbing mess. I have been looking forward to doing something, anything, since I got the recipe for these cupcakes and now they will have to wait. I hope they come out good when I finally make them. I just don’t know when that day will come. I am so tired of hurting. All I did today was shower and go to the store. Day was done after that. And I am so pissed off. I can’t stand myself right now. I have feelings of overwhelming sadness that I just can’t shake. Surprisingly, I am not suicidal, though I just want to stab my ankle repeatedly.