Saturday Blog 4
I started doing this blog to ease into writing just once a week but it hasn’t turned out that way. I have been having a rough day staying awake. I woke up at 0230 after some dreadful dreams and could not go back to sleep afterwards. My sleep all week has been turned upside down because of these weird, disturbing dreams I have been having. I hope they go away but I am exhausted because I can’t sleep.
Today I forced myself to sleep a few hours by taking a couple of ativans this morning around 10ish. When I woke up it was about baseball game time. The Sox lost to the Indians. It was a very close game but fucking AJ sucked today as a catcher and batter and we lost the game. He is the one player on the team I do not like. I don’t know why.
I did go out to get my prescriptions. I got some candy because I felt like having something sweet. I should have bought the big bars of candy and not the mini bites. The mini bites are dangerous and can be eaten very quickly. I already have like 4 left in the small bag. They will be gone by the end of the day. My mother went to a graduation party. I hope she brings home some cake. I haven’t had it in a long time. I love cake! Not the frosting, well a little bit of frosting, but not much. I saw on Facebook a cool cake that if I make it to my next birthday, I am going to have my mother make. It is a loaf cake and if she makes her marble cake with vanilla frosting it will be superb.
I haven’t done anything to do with hygiene today. I don’t feel like brushing my teeth and I don’t feel like showering. I should brush my teeth as it has been a few days but we’ll see. It is just so hard to do when you are feeling down. The sox losing didn’t help my mood. My foot is still hurting from going to the game the other night. I still wasn’t in the mood to go. I think I need to be back on the Cymbalta. Since not taking it, my mood has slowly hit rock bottom. Course I keep forgetting to take the mood stabilizer in the morning. I am not good at taking meds in the morning/afternoon. One of the dreams I had (and there have been at least two) had me being in the hospital just to regulate my meds. I don’t take that many, just a half dozen or so (not including my Ativan or pain meds or other stuff that I take). If I take everything, you are looking at at least 20 pills. I would list them out to you but I don’t want to bore you.
I hope that I am “awake” when I talk with my therapist on Monday. It has been a LONG while since waking up in the morning and feeling awake, not rested, just awake and wanting to start the day. Lately, I have been awake but groggy and sluggish. I think it is most likely due to waking up at 0230 most mornings and then going back to bed around 5ish. I usually write when I am up. If I am up to it, I will blog but usually I don’t.
My latest favorite song is John Legend’s “All of Me”. He performed the song with Jennifer Nettles and Hunter Hayes at the CMT awards. I wish I still had it so I could show it to my friend in Canada who does not have the channel. But I deleted it after the show thinking someone would post the video on Youtube but they have not yet. I am sure CMT will post it on their website as it was a great performance.
I told my writing partner that this week I will be editing my second book. I won’t put it out in the same format as before. I think I will go with smashwords or Lulu to see if I get better sales. It will take me awhile to save up to pay for their services. I hope it will be worth it. I won’t be using an editor this time around because I think I can edit a few pages of stuff myself. My second book is just a collection of short blogs and a short story dealing with darkness.
I have not sold any books for the month of June. I am sad by this. I am going to try and put out an ad or something in the local newspaper. I have to do something to drum up sales. Using Twitter has not helped me as much as I thought it would. I am still hoping to find the right audience. I think once I do, the book will sell like hotcakes.
midnightdemons7 