Saturday Blog 15

Saturday Blog 15

I went over my father’s today to get his medication and fill his pill box for the week. For some reason he does not use the last S to take his pills. I don’t know why. Drives me nuts. But I didn’t stay too long as my sister came and got me. She dropped off some groceries.

I have been feeling okay today, despite my ankle giving me grief. I really didn’t think I was going to be able to go to my father’s because after I took a shower today, it flared up on me. Then the voices started acting up, telling me to take some pain meds. I think they wanted me to take more than what I wanted so I didn’t take anything. I gave the reason as dizziness and they seemed satisfied with that. The voices haven’t been demanding in quite some time. I think because I have been under so much stress with my father, they have found me again. It is always when I am vulnerable they come out.

For some reason, I read a comment that said I should be “real” in therapy. It was from that person that I wrote that I was the problem in therapy. I had to laugh at this because I don’t know how to be “fake”. This is who I am. I write the truth about how I feel and if that is too much for that person, there is the door. I don’t get how people can think they are better than another person in dealing with their problems. I am doing the best I can to keep going every day and not kill myself. I don’t want to say that I am living, because I hate that word. But that is the definition of what I am doing, despite dealing with chronic pain every day.

I got a message from a high school friend that read my book. He was appreciative that I wrote such a powerful book. I still don’t get what is so powerful about it. It is just my words on how I feel. He said the book helped him and that is all that really matters.

On the menu tonight is Nyquil served with my night time meds. I really don’t feel well. My mother has a chest cold and is hacking her brains out or trying to cough up a lung. I can’t decide which, but she is miserable. My sister lost her voice today so there are germs all around. I hope I don’t get sick again but my throat hurts and this cough left over from my cold of three weeks ago, still hasn’t gone away. So it’s going to be a Nyquil night, where hopefully I sleep all night. I also will be taking the abilify aka the pink pill to ward off the voices.

My ankle is being a brat right now so I just popped some pain pills. I really didn’t want to, but the throbbing is not helping my damn mood. I have been in pain consistently for three solid weeks with no break whatsoever. I am was tempted to call out the strong pain pills this morning when my hip was hurting but I decided not to. I am glad that once I started moving about, the hip pain went away.