Hip on fire
I woke up in pain again this morning. My hip just felt like it was on fire. I am so tired of being in pain every morning. Just when I think I am getting better, I take two steps back. I managed to get to the pharmacy to get my pain medication refilled. I desperately needed it as I took my last two this morning. Then it took forever for me to wake up. I planned on going soon as it opened at 10 am but I didn’t get out of bed until around 1330. I just couldn’t move. I also have been taking Ativan to calm down the damn spasms I have been having too. I just can’t win and I am tired of losing.
Tonight, I participated in the BPDChat on Twitter. I was using Tweetchat to participate but something was wrong with it as only my tweets were posting and no one else’s. I had to go to the main Twitter page to see everyone’s responses and comments. I should have just left and laid down and rest. I plan on doing that after I write this blog. I need to lie down. Sitting is getting almost impossible and despite taking pain meds, I am still hurting. I wish I could say that it is because I did X that caused this but I didn’t do anything. I didn’t lift anything. I just sneezed and threw my back out. Plus with this cough, I think I made things worse.
My mood sucks right now. I really am feeling like a piece of shit. I know my not sleeping right is also contributing to my sour mood. Tomorrow I have physical therapy and I don’t care if I don’t go. I really don’t feel like it. But I will go because it will get me out of the house. I just hope that I will be able to walk to get there. Lately, my hip/back has been giving me trouble walking. And going down the stairs is like I am tearing something. This really sucks.
I wrote my therapist a letter this morning. It was long as I was really tired and I was falling asleep as I was writing it. I just gave her a brief update to what was happening. I write her a letter every time she goes on vacation. Hopefully this time I will have it in the mail so she gets it when she is back in the office. I really miss her. I still don’t know when my pdoc is going to be back in the office. I hope it is soon. Guess I will find out after the holidays.
I really want to write a blog about the SSF and CAMS model. I realized that I don’t really talk in detail about them. I mention them in my blog but don’t go into great detail about them. I think it will be a good blog for therapists to have. And I have a few therapists that follow my blog.
I am really tired. Meds are working and I should be toast right now but I am fighting the fatigue like I always do. I have to take a shower sometime between now and tomorrow morning. I hate showering lately. But it’s something that has to happen. It just sucks when you are in pain with a bad back. Any standing motion just triggers more pain and spasms. It just really sucks. I should be getting better by now but for some reason, I am not. I don’t know why. It is really stressing me out. I am going to put a heating pad sticky on tonight to see if that helps. I figure it can’t hurt me. I would put my heating pad on but I really don’t want another thing on my bed. My bed is becoming more my office than a sleeping place. I have notepads, my laptop, journal, pens, a notebook, and a box of tissues. I also have my therapist’s card that I read to remind myself of what she said to me that means so much. I really value her words. I just wish they would sink in. But they don’t so, I have to keep reading them, if that makes sense. I can’t sit any longer so I am going to stop here.
midnightdemons7 