back to good

Back to good

This song was playing as I started typing and thought it was a good song.

I’ve had an okay day. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and when I came home, I filled my box for the week. I don’t have any plans for tomorrow. I realized while filling my box that I will run out of one of my meds by the end of the month so placed an order to fill it. I will pick it up tomorrow. I think I will be going out to get Starbucks but I might not. Depends on if my ankle is feeling up to it. I went to my brother in law’s birthday party. I originally planned on staying until the cake was presented but then my loud mouthed cousin came over and I quickly made an exit. I just cannot stand her. The pressure of my mother’s side of the family is too great for me to bear right now. I just cannot tolerate their stupidity.

I had my chat group tonight. I always feel like I don’t make a difference in these chats. I participated a little bit but was not really understood. It gets to be annoying. But the hour passed quickly and then I left. I don’t think I will go to the next one. It’s just annoying me more than being useful.

I really need to get cracking on Dostoevsky’s book. I can’t believe I already am up to chapter 11. The chapters are short enough but I found that reading them after I take my meds is not a good idea. I end up reading the same paragraph a few times before I finally doze off. I then have no idea what I read when I wake up. You would think with my game closing, I would have more time to read. But I like to give rewards when I can and I have renewed my poker fix by playing again. It’s not the same as the game is kind cheats. It won’t give all the chips to the highest playing card. It sort of splits it off so if there are a million chips in one pile and you have a pair of queens but the main pot goes to a full house which is half that, the queens gets the million and you get half a million. It is so annoying. And I still lose, no matter what. For every ten hands I lose, I might win two.

I was supposed to take a shower today. I just don’t feel like it. My ankle hurts too much to try an stand on it for even ten minutes. I should have taken it earlier when it wasn’t hurting so bad. But lately, I just haven’t been feeling like doing anything. I just want to veg. After the week I had last week, I think I deserve a day where I do nothing. Yesterday I did nothing but sleep and I thought that would help my ankle but it doesn’t like stairs lately. And unfortunately, I have a flight to go up and down to go through the house. I hate when my ankle protests doing the stairs. I go down one at a time but going up is what really hurts me. I cannot go up one step at a time. I just can’t. I tried it but it just feels weird.

My mood is no longer up. I have plateaued. I have reach an even mood, which is kind of scary because I can either become psychotic and delusional again or just crash heavy in the pits of depression. There is usually no gradual descent into the pit. It’s just WHAM, there. The psychosis takes a few days to get a hold but I am on medication so I don’t think that will happen. I am just going to crash and burn. The only question is when.